Scared and depressed

I've been unemployed for over five years now, and for the first time, I'm beginning to feel like there's just no point in going on. I'm college educated, and I used to have a professional job, good enough to allow me to buy my first house. When I was laid off, I had money in the bank, a small IRA, a small stock portfolio, UI benefits....

And hope.

I don't have any of that any more. One by one it's all gone away. This past year I've been cadging off my stepfather. He's being quite generous, but every month I call, hat in hand, and I get lectured about how I have to start looking for a job, and blah blah blah.

I AM looking for a job. Salaried, contract, temp, project, freelance. If I can do it, and it'll pay my bills, my resume is out there.

I thought I was going to be able to turn the corner soon. Last week, I invoiced a decent chunk of money from a couple of freelance jobs. Although "freelance" to my stepfather is "just messing around at home not looking for a job."

In the past five years, my mom died, my furnace stopped working, so did my washer and dryer. I've been trying to keep it all together, although nightmares are a nightly occurrence. But this morning my water heater broke and flooded my basement. It'll take over $2K to replace it. I can't afford a gallon of milk.

I'm on a writer's forum, and people were discussing how it's so much better to have a day job where you get health benefits, vacation, bonuses, sick leave, holiday pay, and eventually a pension, rather than trying to freelance. I posted that since the Recession that's not necessarily true, that a lot of employers are hiring temps or contractors and not paying all of those benefits. I thought that this was an innocuous statement, but I was attacked by several people, called names, insulted, and told that I didn't know crap, and the only reason that I can't get a job is because I'm a stupid, ignorant, lazy, little whiner. Nobody else has any trouble getting a full time job with benefits. Just me. And it's all my fault.

I hear that from my stepfather, too. Yelling about how I should at least just try looking for a job. As if I've done nothing these past five years. I had a high-paying contract job last summer, but it was a three-month contract. He called that "measly," and "piddly." I tell him I've got freelance work coming in, and he yells about my being lazy.

I'm in this weird state where nothing seems real anymore, and I just don't see much point in going on. I'm trying to hold onto the house, because if I lose it, I won't ever be in a position to buy a house again.

I apologize for this being so disjointed and long winded. I guess I'm not thinking clearly enough to write coherently.

And if all this wasn't bad enough, tomorrow's my birthday. Happy bleeping birthday to me. :-(

Happy Birthday Kitten! Wow. At first, I thought you were telling my story except, my birthday isn't until February. In addition to my furnace going out, the washer is going, the roof sprung a leak, a pipe in the ceiling is leaking (I didn't even know pipes ran up to ceilings), the toilet sometimes runs constantly - but it runs very quietly so that I will forget to check it, and my spouse has traumatic brain injury (he's like a very angry 2-year old). Now, my never-before-sick dogs are having problems. The six year-old had a tumor growing on his spine. We are still missing meals to pay that bill, and then the seven year-old picked up an ear infection. Fortunately, Monistat cleared it up. Every morning I wake up to the nightmare and start shaking.

Just keep reminding yourself that this will get better. Somehow we are going to outlast this. We certainly are getting stronger. Every day, do anything you can that could later make you glad you did. Its coming. In the meantime, enjoy your birthday - its going to be a fond memory.

Keep your head up and stay strong, Kitten. The good news is that if you have faith, you guaranteed to get out of this ok. Also, don't take these "lectures" from your stepfather as nothing more than simple verbiage for the time being, and don't let it get you down. He may be scolding you, but he also cares enough to be helping you out. Qualifications needed for work change all the time, but also remain stagnant in several venues. I know it sucks to just say keep looking, but that is ultimately what will get your life back on track. Stay strong Kitten!

I'm really sorry to hear this and I hope that you find something good really soon.

I know this doesn't help much, but hugs to you and hang in there - we're all in the same place to some degree or other around here.

It isn't just you, it is a lot of us. But they want you to think that it is just you. They lie and they lie and they lie, "The economy is turning around" and "It's getting better". They lie because they don't want to tell the truth, it's bad and getting worse and they don't know what to do about without...you know, spending money.

Be strong, look around for unemployed trades people who can help with the water heater, maybe trade skills.

I totally agree with Dave, and I totally relate to the situation you are in. God gives us just enough we can handle. I have no idea why we are being tested like this for this long, but we will all get through this. And like Dave said, despite what "they" tell you, you are NOT alone. There are millions of us in the same situation.

This is no accident, this was done quite intentionally. God didn't do it, evil greedy people did it with free trade deals and easy money.

"They" keep telling us the economy is getting better because they want to keep us off-guard. If we are prepared for what is coming, the effects wouldn't be as lucrative for them. We suffer while the bank officials launder drug money and reap bonuses. What goes around comes around - so stay strong and positive.

Can the stepfather get you a job? Where does he work? Next time he yells at you, say who do you know that can get me a job.

Can you get roommates for the house? Don't beat yourself up trying to hold on to it. Sometimes it's not worth it. Also could you go live with a friend and then keep the house renting it out? Do you own it? Instant income then? If you don't own it or owe a big mortgage then it may not be worth it.

My household lives off freelance and disability. Now we live at a very poor level--apt, very old car, little externals, but tell your stepfather, this is how they are doing things now, not even letting people get actual jobs with benefits anymore.

The writing field has been massively decimated. Journalism is near dead.

Kitten Keeper wrote:



I hear that from my stepfather, too. Yelling about how I should at least just try looking for a job. As if I've done nothing these past five years. I had a high-paying contract job last summer, but it was a three-month contract. He called that "measly," and "piddly." I tell him I've got freelance work coming in, and he yells about my being lazy.


I apologize for this being so disjointed and long winded. I guess I'm not thinking clearly enough to write coherently.

And if all this wasn't bad enough, tomorrow's my birthday. Happy bleeping birthday to me. :-(

Happy birthday, and your young, so you got a lot of learning to do. But welcome to the real world. Since your a writer, I think! From your statements, maybe you should look for inspiration from other writers who went through hardships before making it. I am sure there are plenty. Writing is an art form, like painting, and look how many artists suffer all there life and never get anywhere. Vincent Van Gough, for one. Of course he was a painter. Becoming a well known writer takes time, like a fine painting or a novel.