Mom's funeral was today

by rhiannonj Thu Sep 01, 2011 6:39 pm

It went as expected... very emotional. My 3 brothers were there as well as the rest of the family and members from church. Mom looked better than I expected. Couldn't help thinking she was up looking down on all of us and thinking I finally got my hair done!

I haven't seen close members of my family for 5+ years. Sad that we're spread throughout the country and as we get older it's usually a funeral that brings us together.

My oldest brother Ed gave me Mom's wedding band and engagement ring. I'm wearing the wedding band on my left pinkie finger and her engagement ring on my right. They fit perfect! I just couldn't stick them away in my jewelry box.

So here I am alone in this home where I cared for Mom... still an emotional mess but have so much support and prayers from so many people EVERYWHERE... including you all here.

I'm gonna do my best to take it one day at a time and live in the moment. I did get a call from a guy who is interested in my spare room. I will fight to keep this house! Oh, and btw, did you hear BOA is selling the mortgage part of their company! No wonder why they haven't been calling.

Anyways, I love all of you!! Thanks for your ongoing prayers and support.

Hugs,
Rhi

by mamroz Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:47 pm

I don't post very much but I was praying for you Rhi and your mom. Please accept my sincerest condolences for her passing. She's in a better place where she doesn't have to suffer anymore.

I also lost my mom and it was the hardest thing that I have ever been through (including my dad's passing). Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Also know that your mom is just a prayer away. When I go through hard times, I pray to my parents to watch over me and help me. I really think this helps!

Again, my sincerest condolences.

by Sad American Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:46 pm

So glad to hear the "fight" in your voice today!
Keep putting one foot in front of the other...

by rhiannonj Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:52 pm

Sad American wrote:So glad to hear the "fight" in your voice today!
Keep putting one foot in front of the other...

Girl... I will fight to keep this home...but right now I'm exhausted. One day at a time. BoA can bite me! Smile

by Guest Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:10 pm

Was thinking about you and hoping you were doing okay. It will take a while and will hit you at the strangest times, but just go with it. You deserve to grieve at your own pace in your own time. We are all here if and when you need to cry, vent or just talk. Please know you are in my prayers and my thoughts.

by TOO OLD TO HIRE IN PA Fri Sep 02, 2011 12:28 am

rhiannonj,

Despite a day that was so heartbreaking, I can see the inner strength that has come to you from your Mom. This is what she would want. She is smiling down on you from heaven. Will continue to pray for you.

by Sad American Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:54 pm

Hi, Rhi!
I'm off to Los Angeles to haunt some museums for the day. Talk to you later. Stay strong!

by rhiannonj Sat Sep 03, 2011 6:42 pm

Is it normal to be fine with Mom's death one moment and the next something will set off my emotions and I'll break into tears??

Just feeling so lost. Every once in awhile I'll go into Mom's room and talk to her. I can feel her presence.

She once told me when she died she'd come back to haunt me.... bring it mom... I love you and need to somehow hear from you on the other side.

Rhi

by mamroz Sat Sep 03, 2011 8:45 pm

rhiannonj wrote:Is it normal to be fine with Mom's death one moment and the next something will set off my emotions and I'll break into tears??

Just feeling so lost. Every once in awhile I'll go into Mom's room and talk to her. I can feel her presence.

She once told me when she died she'd come back to haunt me.... bring it mom... I love you and need to somehow hear from you on the other side.

Rhi

Definitely yes to your first question - I remember going through that when my mom died. I also remember that I would "forget" that she had died. I'd see something in the store that she would like and think, "oh, I should buy that for mom." But then I would remember that she wasn't around any more and I'd feel so sad.

by rhiannonj Sun Sep 04, 2011 3:05 am

I'm up late.. once again I can't sleep.. thinking of Mom and reflecting over the precious moments we shared together these last five years. There were so many times when we laughed together. There were so many times when we butted heads and laughed afterwards.

We would often reflect on times gone past and smile. There was not a day that went by that Mom didn't have that twinkle in her eyes and she said she loved me and called me her Angel. I am blessed to have had her with me and those memories are so precious and I know she's still here with me. I am my Mother's daughter... and through her she made me strong and the person I am today. And with that I will get through this ... grieve when I need be and yet feel her arms around me.

I'm also blessed that I've gotten so much closer to members of Mom's church family. They have been so supportive. Through a member from church they put me in contact with voluntary crews that will come and clean up your yard. Called them and they came out and they were awesome. Talked to them for a long time and at the end we all held hands and they prayed for me. I don't remember the last time I felt that kind of connection, love and support.

So, I'm hanging in there and I WILL get through this with the help and support from so many people. My faith is beginning to be renewed. It may be a long road but I'm a survivor.

This is a pic of my mom.

Mom's funeral was today Mom

God bless you all!
Rhi

by rhiannonj Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:07 pm

by Sad American Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:49 pm

Hope you are doing well, Rhi. Prayers and good wishes are coming your way...

by lstjr Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:57 am

I understand what you're going through my mom died 13 years ago and she was the most giving, caring and loving person I have ever met in my life. When she died I was devastated, she was my best friend, no offense to my ex-wife or ex-girlfriends. There was something magical about my mom she was born on September 22 the fall equinox and died on June 21 the summer solstice. After she died I would talk to her all the time and it gave me a lot of comfort and also a lot of pain. She had a perfume she would always use not sure what one but every once in a while I get a whiff of that perfume it can happen anywhere from just walking around town, camping or just hanging out in my trailer by myself. I guess what I trying to say is I believe your mom will always be with you and someday a long time from now you and her will be together again. Stay strong for yourself and your mother. Blessed be.

by RookieCAF Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:48 am

Rhi, Your mom looks like she loved life. Great Picture.

by rhiannonj Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:15 pm

My oldest brother is always the bearer of bad news. Today in an email he said SS will debit the payment that was made into our checking account if the payment was made before the death was recorded.

Oh, and get this... he advised me to call my social worker to apply for income assistance!!! LMAO. He doesn't have a clue.

On top of that.. my AC stopped working yesterday. Think the compressor is having a hard time starting.

When will it end! Dear God... please help me! I feel so alone. I have no one now.

by Guest Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:30 pm

Oh Rhi, she and my Mom could pass for sisters. That beautiful silver hair and the earrings. Always done. Even on her deathbed, Mom would say, Kay, do my hair and give me my shell earrings. Keep the good thoughts. How far away are you, lot's of fixers in my family, maybe they could look at the a/c. Let me know.

Be well. Take your time, grieve. I never did until a year ago, too many things all happened at once. I feel much better now that I did. We are here, we will be here if and when you need. I am glad you have some people at the Church you can talk to as well.

by rhiannonj Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:41 pm

MaryKay wrote:Oh Rhi, she and my Mom could pass for sisters. That beautiful silver hair and the earrings. Always done. Even on her deathbed, Mom would say, Kay, do my hair and give me my shell earrings. Keep the good thoughts. How far away are you, lot's of fixers in my family, maybe they could look at the a/c. Let me know.

Be well. Take your time, grieve. I never did until a year ago, too many things all happened at once. I feel much better now that I did. We are here, we will be here if and when you need. I am glad you have some people at the Church you can talk to as well.

Thanks Kay.. I think I'm losing it. I just want SOME good news... I want to feel safe and secure and my brothers aren't offering it. It's like now that the funeral is over they are all safe and secure and can forget. They don't know what it's like to lose your lifeline and be totally alone.

I'm down in southern Maryland so it's likely you don't know anyone down here that can help.. but appreciate the thought. Think it's the compressor. Compressor started producing a buzzer noise which lasted about 4 seconds then stopped and repeated again. The time between buzzes varied from a 10 to 20 seconds. The noise reminded me of the sound you hear on the radio when they do there check of the emergency broadcast system. The fan works but there is no cool air coming from the ducts.

Rhi

by emvie Mon Sep 05, 2011 7:39 pm

May be a capacitor is out...should run you no more than $50.00...know that's a lot in the unemployed world, but better than a new AC unit.

You have been in my thoughts and prayers...

by rhiannonj Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:32 am

Thanks emvie. Hopefully it's something simple.

by rhiannonj Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:15 pm

Can't afford to get the AC fixed. Thank god the temps are cooler. Mom's social security and navy annuity that was paid Sept. 1 has been debited from our checking account... $2200. I've got about $300 left in the account and if I can't pay my electric bill by next Friday they will shut it off. Have my social services case worker coming over Monday. Hope she can work some miracles.

by Sad American Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:25 pm

I hope your social services case worker can find you some options, Rhi. I'm praying help is better in Maryland than in California!

by Guest Sat Sep 10, 2011 10:59 pm

Rhi, you should be eligible immediately for food stamps. There are also organizations that will help you with your utilities, i.e., LIHEAP, the Good Neighbor Energy Fund, Catholic Charities, etc. I'm not sure if MD offers Medicaid for single individuals.

You mentioned before that you may be eligible for Social Security Disability. Contact your US Senators' case aids immediately for help expediting this. Here is the contact info:

Senator Barbara Mikulski:
http://mikulski.senate.gov/constituentservices/federalagency.cfm

Senator Ben Cardin:
http://cardin.senate.gov/services/casework/

The MD Humane Society may be able to assist you getting free cat food for your pets. Please take advantage of all that is available.

I know that Maryland is much more generous than RI when it comes to Human Services programs. I have made it for a year and a half with no income here - you can do it! Keep your head up and remember we are always here to support you!

by Sad American Sun Sep 11, 2011 12:44 pm

Please give me a call when you get up today, Rhi!
Terry

by TOO OLD TO HIRE IN PA Sun Sep 11, 2011 1:15 pm

MaryKay wrote:Oh Rhi, she and my Mom could pass for sisters. That beautiful silver hair and the earrings. Always done. Even on her deathbed, Mom would say, Kay, do my hair and give me my shell earrings. Keep the good thoughts. How far away are you, lot's of fixers in my family, maybe they could look at the a/c. Let me know.

Be well. Take your time, grieve. I never did until a year ago, too many things all happened at once. I feel much better now that I did. We are here, we will be here if and when you need. I am glad you have some people at the Church you can talk to as well.

Mary Kay,

I had to respond to your recollection of your Mom. My Mom was the same way with regard to her appearance. I remember when she had her breast cancer surgery, the first words out of her mouth were "My hair must look terrible!" Here she was, just having had a breast removed and all she was concerned about was her hair. So my Dad and I made arrangements with the beautician in the hospital to grant her wish. Years later, I did her hair & makeup when she was dying and it made her so happy. The problem I have had over the years is that the happy memories make me so sad when it should be the opposite.

by Guest Sun Sep 11, 2011 1:28 pm

I think we are all the same there TOTHIPA. I think rhi is having those issues as well. I was shopping, to help our granddaughter's mom out last christmas, and I may have shared this with you, but I apologize if I did. I was a Plymouth Meeting Mall, going to Aeropostale, the new favorite of teens, tweens and the almost tweens, on my way in, there was a silver haired woman, gray slacks, flat black shoes, red peacoat and the "required" red plaid scarf (at least it was in my mom's eyes at christmas time), she was shuffling to the door and I swear I almost reached out and grabbed her and said Mom. I knew it wasn't, but I had to run back to the care and sit and have a cry. When I got into the mall, the girl helping me with the sizes for Abbey and her sister touched my arm and said are you okay, I started to babble and tear up and tell her the story, she looked me in the face and said she had the same thing happen just the other day on her way to work, she swore it was her grandmother. So, I think we all have them, like the hair stories, even if the loss makes us sad, we have the memory which is good. Some people don't have that luxury, even if we are temporarily saddened. (I am babbling again).

TOTHIPA and rhi and all who share this, keep those good thoughts close at hand and have a good cry and then a good laugh. We are lucky to have the memories and crying and sadness make us the good people we are. The sadness is the loss of people we love, that makes us good human beings and good daughters. I will always miss that. What keeps me going, is knowing her suffering has ended, as I am sure you feel that way too. Much love to you both. mk

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