Just heartbroken and feel like a failure

I hope you'll bear with me. This is sort of OT but not. I am just sitting here in tears after a conversation with my mother. Basically, she wants to die and go in peace but she is worried about me so she can't. She is worried about what will happen to me because I am so unsettled, unemployed and alone.

I should not have told her my resume is ruined and that I don't know if I will ever work again. I will not be saying this again. Unfortunately, it's the truth. My siblings are all married, employed with kids. We are not on good terms. I am angry she sits in an apartment alone and lonely just reading books and watching TV, when in other cultures she would be living with one of us. My moving up there (another state) is not going to happen as I can't handle the long, dark, cold winters (seasonal affective disorder). She would never come here as my entire family is up there. And none of my siblings even offered to take her in after my dad's death last year.

Yes, I've made mistakes. I've taken the wrong jobs, quit a good a job due to harassment on the job before our economy fell apart (I could have sued and won) and moved to a horrible state that has decimated my resume. I feel I have nothing to offer in the workplace and truth is many times I've stayed alive just for her. She'll be 90 in September and I don't know how things turned out this way. My life is a total abject failure.

Anyway, I am having a hard time processing all of this right now. My mother wants to die and I am holding her up. Wow, I feel horrible. Thanks for letting me vent.