Has anyone lost all support of people and do you isolate?

I have absolutely no friends anymore. Part of the reason I don't go out and meet new people is I can't justify spending any money. With the exception of my mother, I am estranged from the others in my family. Even if I ended up on the streets I would never tell them or ask for help, because they don't really care or they'd say "I knew it. It was only a matter of time before her life fell apart." I am sure they think I am just a bum, but we never talk so I wouldn't know. My siblings all have jobs and spouses and children and I have none of the above. Plus, I have nothing to talk about. How do you tell someone you have no life and each day is the same? How do you process what has happened to this country and the fact that the long term unemployed are now discriminated against as in "the unemployed need not apply."

Who do you talk to about the fear of someday ending up in dire straits when you KNOW (and I know just from lurking on this forum) that others have been in horrible situations or are headed there?

Well, I just needed to get this out and thanks for reading.

You need a big hug. Many hear and understand that feeling. Also if we saying anything that we are right on, having disgusted it many times on this and other forums. We don't know what were talking about.

Many people are going to get a very rude of waking in the coming months. Many here refuse to take it any longer. Something has to give.

Remember were growing daily and your not as isolated as before.

Older, younger and long time unemployed are being discriminated against. Don't cave in but stand up and don't give up. You are not alone, we are here. It is OK to vent here, for are only insanity.

Yes, in the beginning I tried to maintain some semblance of a social life but as time dragged on and resources dwindled I lost interest, partly because I am depressed and partly because I really can't afford to do even the simplest things anymore. So I've gone from having a few people to talk to where now I text a couple of people once in a while to vent. But I know they're probably as tired of hearing my woes as I am in telling and living it. So it is a difficult and LONELY existence. At this point I lost so much precious time that I can't get back, I don't know what the long term effects will be but I am definitely in this alone!

TR11005 wrote: You need a big hug. Many hear and understand that feeling. Also if we saying anything that we are right on, having disgusted it many times on this and other forums. We don't know what were talking about.

Many people are going to get a very rude of waking in the coming months. Many here refuse to take it any longer. Something has to give.

Remember were growing daily and your not as isolated as before.

Older, younger and long time unemployed are being discriminated against. Don't cave in but stand up and don't give up. You are not alone, we are here. It is OK to vent here, for are only insanity.

I know this is bad, but what I bolded - I hope you're right. Only with more massive numbers will things come to a head.

Thanks for the hug and a hug back to you, but I just am shell-shocked that it's come to the point where companies would even say the unemployed need not apply. Thanks for your support.

I have absolutely no friends anymore.

X2

I been feeling the same way for over a couple of years because humans are strange like that,
When you need people the most, they turn their backs on you.
Some people stick around only when things are going in their favor, but as soon as you down on your luck,they disappear that's why I have the problems emotionally and socially.
It remind me of this song,from eightball & mjg " Friend or Foe"
You can't trust people and there's no true friend anymore in this world because if there are they not sticking around to help you when you need it the most.

Just like Government, you fork over all that money from your check and when you need the help, they treat you like you the scourge of the earth or the worse person on the face of the earth.
They have nasty attitudes and discourage a whole lot of people from trying to seek assistance even though we pay their salaries.
In a way I hope they do default on their loans because we be better off than try to rush things.
I hope the dollar becomes worthless and invaluable because that's the tool that divide.

I am finding now, especially with all the coverage that some of the so called friends are suddenly very understanding. I guess I am lucky, I didn't have to disconnect, but as far as social lives go, we haven't been able to afford one at all for the last year so that doesn't even exist. I miss it, but I know it just can't be. I take my consolation that I can come here and know that I have understanding friends and family with no judgements. If I am having a bad day, you understand, if you are having one, the rest of us understand. I cannot believe what I see listed for jobs, since they always seem to be the same jobs, honestly, I have not once been told unemployed need not applly, but I don't get answers to many resumes or phone calls. My problem is more the 56 and looking, so I get the "why would I think you would stay here if you were offered a better position" than I get the unemployed thing.

I agree some people are in for a rude awakening if this economy gets worse, there are some people out there who really think they are teflon.

Jen wrote:

I have absolutely no friends anymore.

X2

You both have all of us. Don't ever forget that. We are here.

I understand all too well. I have 2 friends that understand and am able to talk to occasionally but I no longer go out due to lack of funds.. even if it's to drive 20 minutes down the road and see where the Potomac and the Chesapeake Bay meets. I use to go there to get away from all this but can no longer afford it.

On top of all this, I'm a caregiver for my mom who is 91 and she lives with me. As many of you feel, I just want my life back but don't know how to find it or get it back. I feel like I'm a shadow of the person I once was.

(((( hugs ))))

I don't think that all my friends/family have just turned their back on me I have a feeling their scared it could happen to them and that’s why their not around, sometimes I feel like I have a disease and no one wants to catch it. Like some people here and countless others around the country I went from having everything I wanted to having just enough to “survive” in three years. Gone is my ex wife, the big house in the country on ten acres and a great job, now it's living in an 18ft trailer and $200 a month in food stamps. When I knew I was going to lose my house I started calling/emailing people (at least 100) telling them I was going to buy a trailer and needed a place to park it and if they couldn't help me but they knew someone else who could to have them contact me. I got a lot of “it OK with me, but my husband...” or “it OK with me, but my wife...”. It hasn't been all bad, after living in the trailer on my own property for six months and just two weeks before the locks were going to be changed I got a call from someone I used to work with and she said I could park my trailer at her house. I felt real bad because I couldn't even remember her or what she looked like, she had retired about 10 years ago and we worked in different departments. I told her this and she said it was OK and that she remembered be as being a “very polite and friendly young man” . So I've been parked in her driveway for a year now (in four day it will be a year) she's gone a lot to Mexico or Europe so I take care of her cats, do the yard work and little repairs of the house. I've also reconnected with an old friend who's on disability (mental issues) she has taught me you don't need money to have fun we have rode our bikes down to a amphitheater sat next to a river and listened to three free concerts in the last month, we also go to a downtown venue that gets real hot inside so they have to open the windows and have “seen” about one show a week for a couple months sitting in an ally. So although I've lost my family and 50+ “friends” I have two people in my life like that care about me and understand my situation. So yes I did feel isolated and alone and sometimes I still do but small miracles do happen!! To everyone, try to keep your head up and don't give up. Blessed be.

rhiannonj wrote:I understand all too well. I have 2 friends that understand and am able to talk to occasionally but I no longer go out due to lack of funds.. even if it's to drive 20 minutes down the road and see where the Potomac and the Chesapeake Bay meets. I use to go there to get away from all this but can no longer afford it.

On top of all this, I'm a caregiver for my mom who is 91 and she lives with me. As many of you feel, I just want my life back but don't know how to find it or get it back. I feel like I'm a shadow of the person I once was.

(((( hugs ))))

A shadow of the person you used to be. That really describes what happens. I am glad you do have two friends you can talk to. If they are working and can afford it, would it be possible to ask one of them to pick you up and give you a ride to that place you mention?

My mom will be 90 soon but lives in an assisted living place in another state. Fortunately, she will never have to worry about being alone or being in a bad place. I do feel for you being the caregiver but I don't think in the long run you are going to regret doing so. Bless your heart and here's hoping for better days...hugs backatcha!

lstjr wrote:I don't think that all my friends/family have just turned their back on me I have a feeling their scared it could happen to them and that’s why their not around, sometimes I feel like I have a disease and no one wants to catch it. Like some people here and countless others around the country I went from having everything I wanted to having just enough to “survive” in three years. Gone is my ex wife, the big house in the country on ten acres and a great job, now it's living in an 18ft trailer and $200 a month in food stamps. When I knew I was going to lose my house I started calling/emailing people (at least 100) telling them I was going to buy a trailer and needed a place to park it and if they couldn't help me but they knew someone else who could to have them contact me. I got a lot of “it OK with me, but my husband...” or “it OK with me, but my wife...”. It hasn't been all bad, after living in the trailer on my own property for six months and just two weeks before the locks were going to be changed I got a call from someone I used to work with and she said I could park my trailer at her house. I felt real bad because I couldn't even remember her or what she looked like, she had retired about 10 years ago and we worked in different departments. I told her this and she said it was OK and that she remembered be as being a “very polite and friendly young man” . So I've been parked in her driveway for a year now (in four day it will be a year) she's gone a lot to Mexico or Europe so I take care of her cats, do the yard work and little repairs of the house. I've also reconnected with an old friend who's on disability (mental issues) she has taught me you don't need money to have fun we have rode our bikes down to a amphitheater sat next to a river and listened to three free concerts in the last month, we also go to a downtown venue that gets real hot inside so they have to open the windows and have “seen” about one show a week for a couple months sitting in an ally. So although I've lost my family and 50+ “friends” I have two people in my life like that care about me and understand my situation. So yes I did feel isolated and alone and sometimes I still do but small miracles do happen!! To everyone, try to keep your head up and don't give up. Blessed be.

Thanks for sharing your story. And I'm so happy someone came through for you. Seems like a reasonable exchange to me. You take care of her cats and fix stuff and you get to live on her property.

Kudos to you for actually reaching out to so many people. That must have been tough but it got you a place to land so that is what matters.

MaryKay wrote:

Jen wrote:

I have absolutely no friends anymore.

X2

You both have all of us. Don't ever forget that. We are here.

Thank you MaryKay. That means a lot.

And Jen, PM me any time at all. That goes for anyone here!

rprp wrote:

lstjr wrote:I don't think that all my friends/family have just turned their back on me I have a feeling their scared it could happen to them and that’s why their not around, sometimes I feel like I have a disease and no one wants to catch it. Like some people here and countless others around the country I went from having everything I wanted to having just enough to “survive” in three years. Gone is my ex wife, the big house in the country on ten acres and a great job, now it's living in an 18ft trailer and $200 a month in food stamps. When I knew I was going to lose my house I started calling/emailing people (at least 100) telling them I was going to buy a trailer and needed a place to park it and if they couldn't help me but they knew someone else who could to have them contact me. I got a lot of “it OK with me, but my husband...” or “it OK with me, but my wife...”. It hasn't been all bad, after living in the trailer on my own property for six months and just two weeks before the locks were going to be changed I got a call from someone I used to work with and she said I could park my trailer at her house. I felt real bad because I couldn't even remember her or what she looked like, she had retired about 10 years ago and we worked in different departments. I told her this and she said it was OK and that she remembered be as being a “very polite and friendly young man” . So I've been parked in her driveway for a year now (in four day it will be a year) she's gone a lot to Mexico or Europe so I take care of her cats, do the yard work and little repairs of the house. I've also reconnected with an old friend who's on disability (mental issues) she has taught me you don't need money to have fun we have rode our bikes down to a amphitheater sat next to a river and listened to three free concerts in the last month, we also go to a downtown venue that gets real hot inside so they have to open the windows and have “seen” about one show a week for a couple months sitting in an ally. So although I've lost my family and 50+ “friends” I have two people in my life like that care about me and understand my situation. So yes I did feel isolated and alone and sometimes I still do but small miracles do happen!! To everyone, try to keep your head up and don't give up. Blessed be.

Thanks for sharing your story. And I'm so happy someone came through for you. Seems like a reasonable exchange to me. You take care of her cats and fix stuff and you get to live on her property.

Kudos to you for actually reaching out to so many people. That must have been tough but it got you a place to land so that is what matters.

Sometimes I think it's so hard for us to swallow our pride and ask for help, I know it was hard for me. But when you really think about it, who is gonna help you but yourself? The government has forgot about us so we are on our own, friends/family gone it's so sad. I think the best thing I did was buy this trailer off CL the guy wanted $500 I offered $400 and he said yes. I would tell people to buy a trailer/camper/RV if they still have the money at least you'll have a place to live. It's not the best life but my other option was living in the back of my truck. Blessed be.

nfpexec wrote:Yes, in the beginning I tried to maintain some semblance of a social life but as time dragged on and resources dwindled I lost interest, partly because I am depressed and partly because I really can't afford to do even the simplest things anymore. So I've gone from having a few people to talk to where now I text a couple of people once in a while to vent. But I know they're probably as tired of hearing my woes as I am in telling and living it. So it is a difficult and LONELY existence. At this point I lost so much precious time that I can't get back, I don't know what the long term effects will be but I am definitely in this alone!

That is my life, as well. I have 2 cats I can carry on a conversation with, just for the fun of it, but outside of my online communities, I am alone. I can't afford to get anywhere. What very little money I have left, is for survival.

Relationships with people you know or knew are changed forever by this experience, unfortunately.

casheyes wrote:I been feeling the same way for over a couple of years because humans are strange like that,
When you need people the most, they turn their backs on you.Some people stick around only when things are going in their favor, but as soon as you down on your luck,they disappear that's why I have the problems emotionally and socially.
It remind me of this song,from eightball & mjg " Friend or Foe"
You can't trust people and there's no true friend anymore in this world because if there are they not sticking around to help you when you need it the most.

Just like Government, you fork over all that money from your check and when you need the help, they treat you like you the scourge of the earth or the worse person on the face of the earth.
They have nasty attitudes and discourage a whole lot of people from trying to seek assistance even though we pay their salaries.
In a way I hope they do default on their loans because we be better off than try to rush things.
I hope the dollar becomes worthless and invaluable because that's the tool that divide.

Don't I know this (what I bolded). I had a former friend who used to tell me to go out with my girlfriends on a trip. Well, I have no girlfriends where I live and even if I did I couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, this same friend invited me to Florida and uninvited an hour and a half after she made the invite after talking with her other friend. It gets much worse than this but I won't go there.

I had a death in the family last year and, wow, did I find out who my friends were not. The three most important people in my life were actually cruel to me. They are no longer my friends. So I guess it's not only the money aspect but I just don't trust people anymore. And even in my last job I helped someone with her resume and cover letter correcting her errors, deposited one of her paychecks when she was out of town and she just completely ditched me once she got another job. Granted, she was just a coworker but still. Honestly, the people part of all of this has gotten to me as much as the actual unemployment and dismal outlook part. I have my pets and I have my mom and I have a roof over my head and that is a lot more than many have. If nothing else, and if I ever venture out again to try to make friends, I'll be a much better person for having gone and going through this experience.

My self esteem is pretty much gone at this point so I just isolate. I am considering vocational rehab as an option to see if they will pay for training, although I can't quite get past the job I used to have and the job I'd get through voc rehab. Still, a job is a job and maybe training could lead to something.

I go to school... I come home I look for a job... I do not talk to anyone other then my son and that is because I have too.. I have completely isolated myself. 3 1/2 years without a job. I sold my car I am luckly that my mgr is working with me... I do get school money. I make it on that.
My son is moving home to help me.. Truth is I wish he didnt have too I rather be alone... I have sunk so far in to depression I am a shell.. I come on this site but mostly I dont really post anymore.. Do not even want internet conversation.. My friends are gone. The ONLY good thing that has come out of this is my ex husband is now helping me. He lent me his new truck to get to school and we can at least be in the same room for 1/2 hour without fighting. But I see him again because I have to.. I have no hope of ever finding a job at 53 no one will ever hire me. and if the SS age is raised that is just more years of hell.. I wont make it if my degree will not help me find a job I give.. 32 years same industry worked my way to the top to fall flat on my face...

No hope...

I'm not depressed. I'm down and yes I isolate, because I dont want to hear anything from anyone. Its the same thing, you're not trying hard enough.
There is a family reunion next weekend, I'm not going. All they do is talk about work, politics and sports. I have no work, not interested in politics--I don't mean causes I mean candidates--or sports, they'd ask me what I was doing and most know already. I had a cousin who was laid off, but her co-workers/friends fought for her and she got her job back. I don't have that.

Not depressed, I'm down but not sad, and bored. I've seen how people were a long time ago and have socialized detached. If someone goes through something I think sux to be you, that way I dont get involved. But they're gone now anyway not that I socialized that much anyway.

Yeah it sux to be me.

I isolate, I have stayed in my house since 9/2008. I have gained over 75lbs. I have not seen some of my neighbors in over 3 years. They all think I have moved. I have about 1 months living expenses left before I must go to a shelter, I turned 50 in June. it's hard not to think of ending it everyday.......

My self and my husband definitely isolate. I havent even seen my best friend in at least a year. I am slowly starting to get back into circulation though. Starting to talk to my family more. We are lucky though, I always had and continue to have support from my immediate family. I cant believe how much they have done for us financially AND emotionally!! I tear up over it frequently because as bad as things seem, it could be a whole lot worse if not for my mom, mother in law, my husbands step mom, my aunt and a few others. ALL have been extremely supportive emotionally.

My isolation from friends is my choice, not theirs. I isolated myself before they could do it to me. Now I will never know if they would of or not.

I do miss my best friend terribly but refuse to dump my problems on her even though she wants me to. We have been friends for over 20 yrs and believe it or not we actually have a strong relationship. Its one of those friendships where we might not talk for 2 yrs, but if I needed her for anything I could call her out of the blue and she would come running, and I would do the same for her. I always say we have the kind of friendship that if one of us were to kill someone the other would help bury the body, no questions asked and we would never tell!! (kidding of course)LOL I really, really, really miss her and her kids.

My husband did the same with his friends. Some were friends from work who also got laid off and they lost touch. He use to golf frequently but hasnt in over 2 yrs. He feels so inadequate that he wont even call his friends that still have jobs. He says he wont until he is back to work. He is humiliated when people he hasnt seen in a while ask why we moved from our home that we owned for 15 yrs. He lies and says we moved in with his mom to help her out. I am very concerned about him lately, he is very depressed and withdrawn from society. He was told he is wanted back at work in a few weeks so hopefully that will happen and it will bring his spirits up.

htiek123 wrote:I isolate, I have stayed in my house since 9/2008. I have gained over 75lbs. I have not seen some of my neighbors in over 3 years. They all think I have moved. I have about 1 months living expenses left before I must go to a shelter, I turned 50 in June. it's hard not to think of ending it everyday.......

I am sorry to hear this but I so understand. I myself have put on more than you in the weight dept. I hate it and am working on it sort of. I do have a question though. How have you managed to not see your neighbors for so long? Do you only go out when they are sleeping?

I don't know what to say about the shelter, other than I volunteered at one some years back and some people were helped and got back on their feet through case managers and community resources. Please don't end it all. Hope is all we have at this point.

htiek123 wrote:I isolate, I have stayed in my house since 9/2008. I have gained over 75lbs. I have not seen some of my neighbors in over 3 years. They all think I have moved. I have about 1 months living expenses left before I must go to a shelter, I turned 50 in June. it's hard not to think of ending it everyday.......

Maybe you could go for walks early in the am, when it's quiet, and the air is cooler. Just a change of scenery & some fresh air and the feeling that you're doing "something" minus the horror of neighbor-encounters might give you a second wind. I'm glad you found us. I've gained weight too. Stress & sedentary hiding will do that, without overeating. On the other hand, our situations have made us very food insecure, and that doesn't help (foods we can afford tend to be bad for us, too). I don't know what's ahead either. Fight back while you can- tweet!

Sick & Tired wrote:My self and my husband definitely isolate. I havent even seen my best friend in at least a year. I am slowly starting to get back into circulation though. Starting to talk to my family more. We are lucky though, I always had and continue to have support from my immediate family. I cant believe how much they have done for us financially AND emotionally!! I tear up over it frequently because as bad as things seem, it could be a whole lot worse if not for my mom, mother in law, my husbands step mom, my aunt and a few others. ALL have been extremely supportive emotionally.

My isolation from friends is my choice, not theirs. I isolated myself before they could do it to me. Now I will never know if they would of or not.

I do miss my best friend terribly but refuse to dump my problems on her even though she wants me to. We have been friends for over 20 yrs and believe it or not we actually have a strong relationship. Its one of those friendships where we might not talk for 2 yrs, but if I needed her for anything I could call her out of the blue and she would come running, and I would do the same for her. I always say we have the kind of friendship that if one of us were to kill someone the other would help bury the body, no questions asked and we would never tell!! (kidding of course)LOL I really, really, really miss her and her kids.

My husband did the same with his friends. Some were friends from work who also got laid off and they lost touch. He use to golf frequently but hasnt in over 2 yrs. He feels so inadequate that he wont even call his friends that still have jobs. He says he wont until he is back to work. He is humiliated when people he hasnt seen in a while ask why we moved from our home that we owned for 15 yrs. He lies and says we moved in with his mom to help her out. I am very concerned about him lately, he is very depressed and withdrawn from society. He was told he is wanted back at work in a few weeks so hopefully that will happen and it will bring his spirits up.

I can so relate to basicallyu everything you said SnT. If it wasnt for moving back in with Mom and finally landing a job I dont know where Id be right now.
I saw every aspect of my life deteriorate in the 2.5 yrs I was unemployed.
I feel like Im starting all over again and in same situation I was 15 yrs ago. Living at home with mom, broke, single.
I hope to slowly start rebuilding my life.

I want to thank everyone so much for their heartfelt honesty in this thread. I am sorry we are all feeling this way, but at least we're not alone in feeling this way.

I hope more people will feel free to share their experiences too.

Oh, and congrats on your new job Jobless_in_ MA!

Judi58 wrote:I go to school... I come home I look for a job... I do not talk to anyone other then my son and that is because I have too.. I have completely isolated myself. 3 1/2 years without a job. I sold my car I am luckly that my mgr is working with me... I do get school money. I make it on that.
My son is moving home to help me.. Truth is I wish he didnt have too I rather be alone... I have sunk so far in to depression I am a shell.. I come on this site but mostly I dont really post anymore.. Do not even want internet conversation.. My friends are gone. The ONLY good thing that has come out of this is my ex husband is now helping me. He lent me his new truck to get to school and we can at least be in the same room for 1/2 hour without fighting. But I see him again because I have to.. I have no hope of ever finding a job at 53 no one will ever hire me. and if the SS age is raised that is just more years of hell.. I wont make it if my degree will not help me find a job I give.. 32 years same industry worked my way to the top to fall flat on my face...

No hope...

Judi,

First, we all have hope. We never know but what some 99er who gets a job might not come across our resume and choose us because we are a 99er and over a certain age. Not everyone in the workforce hiring is a 20 something, although many are. I knew someone who was hired at 50 by someone 20 years older than her so it does happen. She had been fired from her previous job too so she had that hurdle to overcome plus she had not worked in a long time and this was when the economy was good so there was really no excuse. Of course, she had mental health issues so I do understand her being out of the workforce but the point is she did find work. Well, she got fired from that job too and is now 56 looking for work. Thing is she is married so she has someone to support her. But the first go around she was single.

I too question if I'll ever work again (I'm 51, btw). But I don't tell myself I'll never work again, as I simply cannot predict the future. There are too many variables at play. So I sort of just try to focus in today and not think too far down the road or I get freaked out. Too, it may be a good thing to have your son at home even if it does not look that way now. I wish I had a son to have at home. Hang in there!