Why family doesnt help sometimes

Ive been unemployed for 1 year and 1/2 lately Ive reconnected with my older sister and it has been a nightmare. She has a toxic relationship with her son who spends the majority of her time stealing from her which means she is constantly broke. He recently went into her checking account and cleared her out which means I get tearful phone calls at 12 midnight telling me she has no money. She knows I have some saving so she is always asking to borrow money to hold her over until her next paycheck(yes she has a full time job and a part time one).Apparently this relationship has been going on for years and she is constantly letting him into her life so she has no peace yes she is seeing someone on a weekly basis but it does no good. I cant take it anymore since he spents quite a bit of time complaining about me to her and Ive been told that I want her to choose b/t her son and me. No contest he wins I have enough problems worrying about how am I going to survive next month without her needless drama of this sick relationship. I was looking for support but instead Im supporting her and dealing with her issue.

Im so sorry for what you are going through, las44. You are very kind helping your sister out when you yourself are hurting. This might sound cold but you need to do what is best for you! You are unemployed and having a savings is a blessing. IMHO, I would put a stop to giving her anymore money. You will be helping her by NOT giving it to her. At this point, all its doing is enabling the toxic relationship.

I have a similar situation with my inlaws. My sis in law is constantly taking from mom in law and we are the ones that suffered for it. we finally stopped bailing her out. My husband has been out of work for 3 yrs and Im only working part time so there is no way we could let it continue. It was hard to do because we all live together, but not impossible!

Is her son an adult? I honestly think you should tell her to stop enabling him. She is letting him get a way with it because she knows you will bail her out. She may not ever stop, but at least you know you tried.

Take care of yourself first. You have a good reason to tell her no more money!

I hope this helps, Good luck and god bless!

Im sorry if I sound kind of harsh about this but Ive been through it myself and you will be the one to get hurt in the end.

thanks youre not being harsh youre being more helpful than my family has ever been Thanks again and God bless

So many disfunctional family issues everywhere, wonder what this economic mess is also adding to all of these issues. When your unemployed you have to think of yourself and your family, but it's hard to turn away brothers and sisters, espcially; the ones who get along with.

las44 wrote:thanks youre not being harsh youre being more helpful than my family has ever been Thanks again and God bless

Welcome to the forum by the way!

Im glad you started this topic. I think we can all relate in one way or another.

las44
I am so sorry that you have to deal with that from your own family. I am so sorry that you are have to deal with these issues when being unemployed is hard in itself. But, please know you are talking to the right people.

Glad that you took the time to share. Take good care of yourself.

J

I have been a drug and alcohol counselor in my previous jobs...this is way more common than you would think..
I am guesing substance abuse problem here. AL-anon for the co-dependant mom and throw the son out...(as long as he wont freeze to death)