What do you do when you start to panic?

I got up at 3 this morning and I'm packing boxes to move. Problem is I have no idea where I am going. I do believe I am losing my mind though. I talk to two people in my life - my mother and my therapist. I have no support system whatsoever as after dad passed away last year everything fell apart and either I pulled back from everyone or discovered things/sides of them that I couldn't get past and ended the friendships. I guess I've totally withdrawn. Since I'm leaving (although I don't know where I am going), I am not looking for work here. I am clinically depressed and don't even know that I have it in me to move, yet to stay here has gotten to be unbearable. My resume is decimated, I'll be 52, no significant other, no children. I am on my own.

I am absolutely terrified of the future. I am thinking that due to all this stress I am going to die before my time. I have poor coping mechanisms and must quit smoking, but I get all nervous and break down and buy cigarettes. My Dr. told me I'm borderline anemic and says it's a good thing I'm getting a colonoscopy done next week, which further scares me. I break down in tears every day and called a crisis line yesterday only to have them tell me they are not a talk line. What?!

I think about death far too much. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Sorry for writing so much, but I've got a lot of stuff inside I keep to myself.

Why are you moving, rprp? Is it because you have to for financial reasons, or just because you feel like you have to? You said that staying there would be unbearable--are you sure that moving will make your problems better if you don't even know where you're going?

Does your doctor have you on any medications for your depression and any supplements for your anemia? Is your doctor aware of your depression?

You have some good reasons to be aprehensive of the future, but please believe me, you don't need to add the fear of a colonoscopy to your list. I've had one and it's not that bad, honest. It sounds to me like a piece of this and a piece of that are getting all jumbled up together until it's one giant, terrifying ball of something that's too scary to handle. Maybe if you try to break that ball down into more managable chunks, it might not seem so overwhelming.

I'm 51, I've been a 99er since June 2010, and I know the feeling, as far as panic.

I have panic attacks every day, and there is no easy solution. I just have to hold on tight until the feeling passes, which it does do, eventually.

Unfortunately, there is no real help out there. There are millions of us in the 99er boat, and nobody outside of that boat really gives a flying **** about us.

I feel for you, I really do. And I share your anguish. Truth to tell, I was not real tightly wrapped upstairs before this started, more like borderline mentally stable, and it has tipped me over the edge in some ways.

But we all do the best we can. I wish I had some help to offer you, but I have nothing. I'm probably getting my water turned off in late August, and there is no help available.

We are screwed.

rprp, I also have thoughts of death more often than I'd like to admit but I'm sure most people here do too, I mean who wouldn't in the situation we're in. Thinking about it is one thing acting on it is another once you act you don't get a second chance to try to get the life you want, there is always hope and nobody can predict the future. Remember you have lots of support here and there is strength in numbers we're here for you and you be there for us. “not a talk line” you're right what's up with that? I hope it wasn't the number posted on this site, if it was could you let us know? If not maybe try calling 1-800-273-8255.
I assume you're on meds for the depression, do you think their working for you? I only ask because I was diagnosed with depression about five years ago and put on meds. After about six months of different meds and not feeling any better, in fact feeling worse I flushed the meds. I'm not suggesting you do this but it's what I did, after getting rid of them I started acupuncture and Chinese medicine and within two weeks I was feeling better. I started going three times a week, then two times, then once a week and in about a year I was down to twice a month. The last time I was able to go was about a year ago because of the lack of money and I miss those needles so much! I'm just letting you know there are other options out there, talk to your doctor about it. I had a great doctor she was all for alternative forms of medicine she had no problem with me quitting the meds she gave me and trying other things so long as I would check in with her and let her know how it was going.
I wish I had more to offer, just remember there is always hope. Blessed be.

rprp,

It is never to late to get some counseling. Moving somewhere else is not the total answer. If you feel too depressed please go to the emergency in your nearest Hospital. You are too overwhelmed and I have been there too, like many other.

I am sorry you had a problem with the crisis line. You can talk to us rprp. Everything is overwhelming right now. You are not alone. Have you discussed this with your Dr. He or she should be able to give you something right now to ease this.

Tell us, why is it you are moving? Finances? Do you have any family you can call that may provide you with a place to live for a while?

Please keep posting. We are worried for you and praying for you.

1-800-273-8255. Please call this number.

Thank you all for your support. I've been so out of sorts today all I've tried to do is sleep and research why I might have this anemia on the Net. I think my Dr. thinks it might be internal bleeding, but after doing some research I discovered one of the meds I've been taking for depression since 2006 can lead to bone marrow suppression, anemias, etc. Great. That is one side effect no one told me about.

I will try answer as much as I can in this one post, as my cursor is going crazy skipping around. Living here has made the depression worse. Oh heck, I am going to restart my computer and see if I can get this cursor thing fixed. To be continued...

Ok, don't know if anyone else deals with a crazy cursor, but it's enough to drive me crazier! Let's see...I am not on good terms with my family except for my mother and she is in assisted living so I can't go live with her. Actually, I have a house I am selling (fortunately I still have that going for me) in an effort to downsize and have some cash on hand. So I am much better off than most but when I read all of your posts I realize you all have one thing I don't and that is decent mental health and courage. My mental health has really deteriorated over the past seven years to the point I am slightly? agorophobic and have a driving phobia which complicates things even more. I feel I need to move on (all my bridges are burned here and I'm sick of seeing the same jobs over and over) yet don't know I can pull it off considering I'm alone with three pets. But I think my mental health could improve in the right place and then maybe I'd present myself better in terms of looking for work and getting back into the workforce.

MaryKay, I do take a alot of medications for depression, anxiety, etc and other conditions, but due to reality (which we all know far too well), they do not seem to make a dent in things. I/we over 50 can't change our ages, discrimination against us due to our ages and due to long term unemployment. I haven't worked since Jan of 09 so not sure what that makes me but pretty sure way over a 99er.

At this point if I could just sleep it all away I would, and that is what scares me. I am paralyzed. I can pack things away but without having a destination I just feel scared. And then there is how do I get there? I know I may seem crazy, but unless you've dealt with my particular brand of mental health "challenges" this is a real concern.

As to someone's comment (sorry if I am not mentioning names here) that we might all tend to think about death, well, that is a very scary thing. My brain goes to if I never work again I know I can't make it on the streets which leaves me with one option. It's always "out there" somewhere in the distance, yet not a day goes by but what I don't think about it. And I KNOW that if there is something seriously wrong with me on the physical front I will not make it, as I have zero support IRL and I just won't. I am just not equipped to deal with more than my mental issues. Ok, don't want to make myself sound crazy, but as someone mentioned previously (and forgive me if I don't use the exact wording), I wasn't wound all that well even before this what is really a depression happened. BUT, by society's standards I used to at least look successful on the outside. I used to be "normal." I used to have a normal life with a good job, friends, discretionary money to spend, drive somewhat like a normal person, didn't isolate for days on end with no human contact, but if there is such a thing as a toxic place in which to live, I found it and I have long overstayed.

I may be preaching to the choir here, but do you feel like after the stress of all of this you might not make it out to the other side? That is how I feel which is why I like to sleep. However, sleeping gets nothing done but it does provide an escape. Ok, long post I know and thanks for reading if you made it this far.

rprp, I haven't worked since June of '08, so yes I do know that reality. I wasn't trying to preach, just wanted to make you feel that you aren't alone and we want you to stay with us. Sleeping is very common when you are depressed or down, it's the most common form of comfort for people.I wish I had some magic words to make this go away for you, but I don't, except to say we are all here for you when you need to talk. Distance makes it hard for all of us. Just know you will always have many friends here that are willing to listen.

Oh and when I use my sister's laptop, it has the cursor from hell, up, down in the middle of the page, I tried to change the settings, but all you have to do is breathe around it and it jumps, drives me nuts as well.

I would suggest you stay near your mother who is in assisted living. It is important you see her and call. She is the only one who understands you. You don't owe an explanation to anyone as to why things are. Many here do understand. We have more years experience.

My doctor just took me off a new medication, because I was tired and coughing. Another older one, because I have not been able to loose weight. Remember Antidepressant medication you can't suddenly stop without a doctor's supervision or you can make things lot worse. Please see your doctor, right away, none of us are one. However the Internet gives you good reliable information from excellent websites.

We will be praying for you and many here really do understand. Please don't give up, do it for your mother who really knows you and needs you.

Thank you all so much. I won't give up (yet or maybe never). I think it's common to go through waves of panic when the future looks so uncertain. Not only do we (I am assuming most of us reading this board) have to deal with the realities of long term unemployment (which can mean a lot of not such good things), but we also have to look at our situations in the context of a crumbling situation around us.

With things still at a standstill with regards to the debt ceiling, who knows what this country is looking at. In some weird way, maybe if more people are affected by what we've come to know, there will be more compassion and these "only the employed need apply" practices will go away. I can't help but think that there is strength in numbers and, for better or worse, the numbers are just going to get bigger.

It's a super stressful time to be alive but it's also an interesting chapter in our history. I just watched an old Sandra Bullock movie and, believe it or not, it really helped. Sometimes I just have to step away from the computer, away from looking around me at what needs to be done, stop thinking about the future, stop living in constant fear, and just be in the moment with something (like an old movie) that is reminiscent of happier times.

I'm going to start looking into some sort of spiritual path, although not sure what. I think it's really essential (well, at least I have finally reached this thinking) to get through this tough times. Life is short and I just hope that somehow things turn around for all of us so that we'll have more moments of joy, fewer moments of anxiety and stress, and just find some sort of peace in all the madness.

I really appreciate everyone's input.

One more thing I wanted to mention regarding moving. I have a sociopath for a new neighbor moving in soon. He is the straw that broke the camel's back. He turned off some of my bubblers and killed off half a bush, broke two tree limbs, built up our common wall without my permission, and the worst - threw 15 sharp objects (trusses with eight sharp points sticking up out of each one and they were rusted out) into my dogs yard (I than had to turn around and hire someone to build a separate area away from him so he cannot try to poison my dogs). Luckily, I found them before one of my dogs stepped on them and was hurt, but that did it for me. So the city has been involved, the police have been involved, and he hasn't even moved in yet (was doing construction on new house). So my shrink says I need to get out of here and that he's a sociopath and so this is a motivator for me to leave, in case anyone thinks I don't have good reason. Just thought I'd add so it doesn't seem like I'm doing this willy nilly.

Yuk neighbors from hell. Sorry. What are bubblers and turn them back on?

Depression, yuk, I'm trying L-Tryptophan, from healthfood store, 90 pills about $25 cheaper than getting on meds (I think, and better for you). Neighbors from hell, been there, it is really, really stressful. I read that the realtor may have a responsibiity to diclose this to a potential buyer, so they don't sue the realtor, interesting that some attorney's say can be a case new buyer can win. You have the right idea, live in the moment, let tomorrow take care of itself, it's so out of control in the entire World now, you can only control what you think and feel. Be good to yourself, remember you have friends who care.

No there will be no extensions in this deal. It was considered a few weeks ago by Harry Reid but even then, I think, it was just to extend the deadlines again.