A depressing day looking for work

My job search yesterday has left me feeling thoroughly hopeless.

It started out with an open interview time slot for 10AM with one of those Dave and Buster's type places that are going to be opening up around here. They have been advertising help wanted for bartenders, wait staff, cooks, etc..... so I called them to set up an interview. Four days later, I get a call back from some guy letting me know that I'm scheduled for the 10:00 slot. He seems impressed that I have almost 20 years experience as a bartender/server, so I figure brand new place, and it's supposed to be really large, needing an entire staff - I'm a shoe in for the job!

So I show up a little early yesterday, and there are only 5 other people besides me waiting for their interview, so now I'm feeling really good about getting hired. Among the interviewees were a youngish guy, maybe in his early twenties, two girls in their early twenties I'd say, and three women around my age. I started to talk with one of the women that was around my age and we compare our years experience - she had almost 10 years and also felt really positive about getting hired due to her experience.

We are kept waiting for almost 45 minutes before they start calling people in. They start with the young guy, he's in there for almost 10 minutes and when he comes out, he's smiling and gives the thumbs up to one of the girls that he had been talking to. Then they call in one of the younger girls, and she too is in there for almost 10 minutes. Then they call in one of the women around my age - she is in and out of there in less than 5 minutes, and when she comes out she kind of shrugs at the rest of the group with a WTF look on her face and leaves. I'm starting to feel a little apprehensive at this point. They call up the other younger girl and again, this on is in there for about 10 minutes.

By this time, more people are starting to straggle in, I'm guessing for the 11:00 slot, and most of them are younger than I. They finally call me in and I'm ready to wow them with my years of experience and such, but instead the guy starts asking me questions such as "How would you handle an unhappy guest?", which seemed normal enough, but then he asks me "How do you feel about kids?" I'm thinking huh? I know that this is supposed to be some kind of a family place place, with games for tokens and such, but it seemed like a really weird question. I don't actually have any kids myself, so I answer "I don't have any kids, but I have a lot of nieces and nephews and I like them just fine." That must have been the wrong response, because the guy tells me "OK, well we are going to be interviewing for the next several days, so we will give you call in the next couple of weeks and let you know." I interpreted that as "Don't call us, we'll call you!" and that was the end of that, in and out in about 2 minutes. When I was leaving, I gave the woman that I had been talking with the same look as the other older woman had given us and shook my head. I don't even expect a call back.

After that, I went on to one of those corporate chain places that a friend of mine had said had a help wanted/experienced bartender sign in the front window for about 2 weeks. I walk in there and let the hostess know that I am there to apply for the job. She directs me over to the bar and tells me that she will bring over an application. She brings it over to me and tells me to let me know when I've finished filling it out because the manager likes to interview applicants on the spot. So I fill out the application and give it back to her, she gives it to a young waitress to give to the manager. I wait and wait and wait. After about a half an hour, I'm thinking that they might have forgotten about me? So I approach the hostess and ask her about it, she goes to the young waitress and they talk quietly for a moment or so, and then the hostess comes back to me and tells me that the manager has stepped out for a while and won't be able to interview me today, is my phone number and address correct in case he wants to call you? Duh, I just filled the damn application out, I haven't had time to either move or change my phone number quite yet. But I'm polite and thank her, go home and go right back to bed for the rest of the day.

I look young for my age (46), or so I've been told. I'm pretty and in good physical shape for doing semi-physical work and being on my feet for hours at a time. I have a great rapport with customers and people in general. I just don't get it, is my experience worth nothing with these people? I feel like I'm being pushed out of my usual line of work for youth. Maybe I should find a line of work that isn't so age centric? It seems like the smaller taverns around here aren't hiring because business doesn't warrant any new employees, and the large chain places just want young, cute girls.

I'm usually a very upbeat and optimistic person and I'm not prone to depression, but this is getting ridiculous, so I'm venting here.

Thanks for having this place to come and vent.

Hi, Misty Blue.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I'm not surprised, though. I've seen this happen over and over again, to myself and others.

I used to work in HR. I've seen the older applicants come in and get the same treatment. I've heard the selecting officials and the managers talk after the applicants leave. I work part-time now, I've had my resume redone and it's gotten me interviews, but when I walk in the door and the interviewer sees that I'm not fresh-faced and 21 (an age I will never see again in this lifetime BTW) the look of shock on his/her face is priceless. I clean up pretty well for an interview, but none of that matters. I'm not some sweet young thing that they can hire for half the price. And bear in mind that some managers think that experienced workers might be a threat to them. I heard one say that he preferred younger workers because they "don't have as many bad habits". Personally, I call BS on that notion. It's catch 22: they don't want to take the time to train employees nowadays, yet they want an employee who can hit the ground running, so to speak. It doesn't get any crazier than that.

After getting rejected like this even once I know it's very easy to think that there's something wrong with YOU. There isn't. This is an employers' market, and the inmates are in charge of the asylum. They're behaving badly like a toddler on a sugar high. I wish I could post here with some solid advice on how to get around that, but I can't. If I find a way around that nonsense you guys here will be the first ones to know.

Here's hoping that 2013 is going to be a better year for all of us.

Hi firstcoyote!

It's nice to know that someone else is going through the same thing, and it looks like most of us on here are in the same boat.

I know what you mean about cleaning up well for an interview - I do the same thing, but still no call backs.

This rejection is really devastating for the ego, isn't it? Even though intellectually I know that it's not just me, that fact just doesn't want to sink in on an emotional level, you know?

I, too, wish that I could offer some solid advice here that would really help, but the only consistent advice that I've been given by friends and family is "keep a positive attitude and something will come along!" - well, if that were the case, all of us with "positive attitudes" would have jobs, wouldn't we! I get so tired of hearing this!

Here's hoping that 2013 will be a better year for all of us, too!

You are definitely singing to the choir about all that helpful advice that really doesn't help sometimes. Sometimes I want to scream, and I have.

I usually feel better after that.

About all that rejection damaging the ego? The realization that none of this was my fault, and my job skills were just as sharp as ever set in one day. I became so angry I nearly punched a hole in the wall. I punched out a pillow instead.

After I posted my resume on Careerbuilder and Monster.com I won the Nigerian lottery 37 times. I won the Microsoft lottery once. I had all these wonderful phone conversations with shysters who wanted my personal information over the phone, and they dangled the promise of a job in front of me. I might be desperate sometimes, but I'm not stupid.

I really can't see anyone staying optimistic in this situation ALL the time. Sometimes you just gotta let it out.

OMG, I LOVE the pillow punching! It's almost as satisfying as smashing a wine glass into the fireplace, but less destructive.

Yup, hear you about the Monster.com thing - I had to delete my account because of all that crap!

I do so feel for you Misty. I am almost in the same boat. After spending over 20 years educating myself and working for some pretty impressive companies I found myself let go for a cheaper version of me. I went on an interview recently where I was told outright by some kid that "If we hired you, you would be my boss in just a few weeks" "We'll let you know" I was shocked and asked to speak to his supervisor and was told with a smirk that I wanted to wipe off his face "I am the supervisor"

It's amazing what our business climate is like now. If you are anywhere near 40 or older you may as well just go on the dole and when Uncle Sam finally figures out who pays the bills for this country maybe something will be done to wipe those smirks off of those faces.

I will have a good thought for you and all of the suffering people in the US.

I know what you mean - a lot of my customers over the past few years have told me the same thing about age - it didn't seem to matter whether male or female, or even how much (or little) higher education and experience they had, employers just didn't want them! I feel that as well as being worried about us replacing them as their own boss, that they also feel that an older, more experienced employee is less likely to put up with their bullshit.

I often wonder, is 40 the new 60?

Anyhow, I have good thoughts for you too, and welcome to the forum!

MistyBlue, it has become nearly in our face how things work now. Over 40 and apply for 100's of jobs and 20-30 year olds with no experience and employment gap land jobs if they bother to apply. I am not sure how a person is to address this, the theories of wowing and such has not worked for some very qualified people I have run into.

I have a job, but the reality of being unemployed long-term never really goes away once experienced so I still know a bit of what people deal with..

I think especially of the people who have noone advocating for them and who just don't fit any criteria for help. The worst part is they are generally those who have a hard time asking in the first place and when they ask and do not get help it really hurts.

I pray for everyone who is searching for a job and those who have returned to work with much lower pay and fewer benefits.

May 2013 be a better year for us all

J

I hear all of you. I have been unemployed from my chosen industry for guess what, four years!! I've been having a very hard time to get back to my field because of my experience level (only a year at the time of my lay off). I've had a job in between for a year & a half so I wasn't entirely unemployed. But the job was a near minimum wage gig and totally unrelated from my last job...Because of my last job (the job that requires some expertise), I can no longer get a general office support/admin type job anymore even though I have experience in the area. Luckily my husband works and I'm able to start my master next week.
Reading this site for a few years, I see many, many people are worse off...every time I read a story, it breaks my heart. At the same time, it makes me really appreciate everything I have and I tell my husband don't ever take his job for granted.
Anyway...I have not been in the mood to plan any gathering for a while, but well it's a new year, I haven't seen people for a while so whatta heck I thought. I invited six friends at our neighbor's new year party. Out of six friends, I know some are affected by this recession and struggling one way or another. I had a good time, but felt quite depressed after wards. I tell you, there are many people who are completely unaffected by the economy. None whatsoever. The life has been pretty much the same for them. You speak with them, and find them they're in lala land...I hear about the country's high unemployment problem all the time, yet when I see people, most do have a job, I mean a good one. It makes me wonder what went wrong with me. For them, life is business as usual. And it does tick me sometime, those lucky ones are completely clueless about the job market.

I hear ya. I have a job, but I know it is really bad out there and a lot of people are struggling. My husband is affected, he is out of work since Oct 15, he has had only temp jobs since being laid off January 2012.

3 of my friends have been out of work for more than 6 months. Their are some out there not affected, including myself, I have not had to struggle with finding a job, i have not been laid off from a job since 1997. So I don't know how it feels, but my husband is struggling, so it is not easy.

Thanks everyone, for your replies!

You all don't know how good it feels to know that there are others in the same boat and going through the same stuff!

I have not left the house since New Year's Eve. I've become too depressed to even get out of bed, and have been lying in bed for the past 3 days just flipping through the channels on the TV. I haven't even been on the computer or looked for any jobs this week - there doesn't seem to be any point.

I know what you mean about how other people seem to be completely clueless about the economy. I used to listen to customers talk about being unemployed when I was working, but I never thought that it would be me, you know? Now, I'm not working, so I don't see the other unemployed customers on a regular basis - maybe I should start going to bars in the day just to get a reality check? Ha Ha!

I see all of these commercials for ITT Tech and such, and part of me is tempted to call and enroll, just so that I get job placement help and I, too, can be working in as little as 9 months, but I've overheard enough conversations from customers to know that I would just accumulate mountains of student loan debt and still be unemployed or underemployed. I just don't know what to do or where to turn at this point.

Anyhow, thanks again for all of your comments. I appreciate reading them.

I have been putting in so many hours this week searching for a job, ANY JOB! I'm not quite sure how many I have applied to that were posted on every job board I know of. About 2 hours ago, a position was just posted that I would be perfect for, and is about 5 minutes from my house. I took the time to do a little research on the company to see if maybe I knew someone who worked there, or perhaps even the owners. I also drafted a carefully tailored cover letter to send with my resume. In all, that took me about 45 minutes to get together. When I went to send my resume, I went back to the site AND THE JOB DISAPPEARED!! I can't even begin to describe how I feel right now, this is unbelievable. I sit here and watch as the jobs are posted all day and into the early evening. This time, I thought I had finally gotten my opportunity.

I know where this business is, should I just bring my cover letter and resume over there? This job was so perfect....


Right now I am beyond being hopelessly unemployed, there doesn't seem to be any light at the end of this dark tunnel.

That Sux! Give it a try, all they can say is no.

DesperateInRI wrote:I have been putting in so many hours this week searching for a job, ANY JOB! I'm not quite sure how many I have applied to that were posted on every job board I know of. About 2 hours ago, a position was just posted that I would be perfect for, and is about 5 minutes from my house. I took the time to do a little research on the company to see if maybe I knew someone who worked there, or perhaps even the owners. I also drafted a carefully tailored cover letter to send with my resume. In all, that took me about 45 minutes to get together. When I went to send my resume, I went back to the site AND THE JOB DISAPPEARED!! I can't even begin to describe how I feel right now, this is unbelievable. I sit here and watch as the jobs are posted all day and into the early evening. This time, I thought I had finally gotten my opportunity.

I know where this business is, should I just bring my cover letter and resume over there? This job was so perfect....


Right now I am beyond being hopelessly unemployed, there doesn't seem to be any light at the end of this dark tunnel.

Awww, how frustrating!!!!!! I can't even imagine how that would feel!

I agree with still nutty - since you know where the place is, I would run your resume over to them. Good luck and I'll have my fingers crossed for you!

Oh how frustrating, yeah my husband is unemployed and it is frustrating, especially with having to apply online for everything these days. at least he still has 13 weeks left on his original 26 weeks so and plus extensions, we live in California, so he should be able to collect up to 73 weeks.

I have 2 other friends that have not found jobs either, they have been unemployed for more than 6 months.

Yes people that have jobs don't know how bad it is, until it happens to them. I have a job, but I know it is hard out there.

I hope everyone's situation gets better soon. I was really bummed out after just reading a rejection email for a position I interview for yesterday. I went out my way this morning and dropped off a thank you card and all. I just felt confident that I had it...well between myself and another woman. I just dont get it. The position was barely 40 hrs and I had the experience. It was making half of what I made hourly at my previous job. Overqualified? Or maybe not enough experience? Since she(interviewer) and I were going to be working one on on together...maybe she felt we wouldnt gel ...IDK...But I prepared for that interview and now I feel like Im back to square one even though I still have hundreds of resumes pushed out. Just like MistyBlue...I wanna just stay in bed for a few days.....

Lynn132 wrote:I hope everyone's situation gets better soon. I was really bummed out after just reading a rejection email for a position I interview for yesterday. I went out my way this morning and dropped off a thank you card and all. I just felt confident that I had it...well between myself and another woman. I just dont get it. The position was barely 40 hrs and I had the experience. It was making half of what I made hourly at my previous job. Overqualified? Or maybe not enough experience? Since she(interviewer) and I were going to be working one on on together...maybe she felt we wouldnt gel ...IDK...But I prepared for that interview and now I feel like Im back to square one even though I still have hundreds of resumes pushed out. Just like MistyBlue...I wanna just stay in bed for a few days.....

Oh, that's the worst, Lynn! I had that happen to me too, several months ago when I just KNEW I got the job......well, here I still am, unemployed and starting to panic!

Sorry that happened, it's just the pits, ain't it. I do hope that we all fare better in 2013.

Yeah I feel the panic coming on some days. And its hard to wanna participate in life when your life feels like it has literally stopped. Everyone says..Hey its bound to get better...Ugh!!! Dont wanna hear all that. What I wanna hear is...hey I know someone that's hiring...

Lynn132 wrote:Yeah I feel the panic coming on some days. And its hard to wanna participate in life when your life feels like it has literally stopped. Everyone says..Hey its bound to get better...Ugh!!! Dont wanna hear all that. What I wanna hear is...hey I know someone that's hiring...

I'm feeling the panic coming on most days - my UI will be done in a little over 2 months and I don't know what to do, except maybe move in with my newish boyfriend, which I'm not really sure that I want to do.

Yeah, why is it that we feel like we don't want to participate in life without being "gainfully employed"? I think that I've felt that way most of my life, and I'm just a friggen bartender, you know? Why do we feel like the state of employment is who WE are, anyhow? It's not, but yet we put this kind of pressure on ourselves.....???

I'm with you on not wanting to hear that things are going to get better, I just want to hear that someone is hiring, and all I need to do is go in and I've got the job, you know? I can hardly bear all of this shit of completing with God knows how many other applicants and trying to "put my best foot forward" - I really can't take much more.

Misty, I think its more of not having the funds to be able to go out and spend a little money...thats what I mean as in not being able to participate. I have a new boyfriend myself but hate to feel limited in the fact that I cannot every now and then pick up the tab or have to limit my trips to his place across town due to conserving gas. It seems like Bartending should be a very lucritive position to find but I get what you're saying about the age factor. Im sure its that way across the board in most professions. Im still trying to hold on to my faith...its hard sometimes but I mean what else can you do?

Yeah, I know what you mean - how do you tell someone that you're going out with, especially for the first time, that you REALLY DON'T have the money to pay for your own? It's really awkward and embarrassing, you know? We feel like we should at least be able to pay for our own drinks/food.....

Bartending used to be lucrative for me, but I'm no longer young, cute and in my 20's or 30's......I'm pushing 50 and the taverns that are hiring just don't seem to want me any more - I never used to have a problem at all, finding new work at a new tavern/bar. Now, not so much.

I figured I would weigh in on this subject. I know you feel the prejudice coming from the job market right now, but I can tell you that it goes both ways. I will be 27 soon and still get laughed out of interviews because of my age. As soon as I get statements like, "You don't look old enough to be married" I know exactly what they are thinking.

And that is only if I manage to get interviews. Every once in a while I get responses to my applications like, "Thank you for applying, but we are interviewing candidates with more direct experience." And they are immediate. Like, did you even read my resume? Do you know how long I have been at this? Or did you just look at my graduation year and write me off? And I find out that the job is empty 3 months later because whatever bozo they hired didn't know what they were getting into.

It is so refreshing when, every once in a long while, I get someone who says to me, "Why have you not been hired by someone? This job is below your qualifications." Um, because they won't give me the time of day!!

I can imagine how frustrating this is for you being in an industry that values the opposite. To them, young = energy which I can tell you is complete bull. I admire people in the service industry, I know I could never keep up! But at least in my situation, I will eventually get older. (Gaining more experience at this point is another story.) Not the case for you. Have you ever considered applying for manager positions at these places? I bet you would be good at it, given the chance. Maybe take a couple accounting classes or get certified in the service industry to move up in your career?

The problem as I see it is, if they don't want you, they will use any reason under the sun. They usually determine this in the 30 seconds they use to size you up. Remember, they've probably seen hundreds of candidates besides you, every color, religion, educational background, and socio/economic class. Because of this, it makes it very difficult for the average person to stand out.

Additionally, most companies today don't have a pressing need to fill positions (they'll continue to let 1 person do the work of 3), so they will simply go through the motions to APPEAR as if they are looking to hire. Unless someone comes in and literally "knocks their socks off", that supposed open position will remain unfilled indefinately.

I applied for a temporary, part-time receptionist position on Friday. Love the fact the "rejection" email has misspelled words! Hey, at least they got back to me!!

FML!!

Re: RECEPTIONIST (NORTH SMITHFIELD) (ID:4D237EE0000B2190)
Inbox

Robbie@chamberlandco.com

9:04 AM (2 hours ago)

to me
Sorry the possition has been filled

DesperateInRI wrote:I applied for a temporary, part-time receptionist position on Friday. Love the fact the "rejection" email has misspelled words! Hey, at least they got back to me!!

FML!!

Re: RECEPTIONIST (NORTH SMITHFIELD) (ID:4D237EE0000B2190)
Inbox

Robbie@chamberlandco.com

9:04 AM (2 hours ago)

to me
Sorry the possition has been filled

Ugh. Those situations definitely make me laugh and cry at the same time. And every once in a while, Karma gives me a nudge... Like the time I interviewed with a company that I thought I had a shot with that was offering better pay than most... 6 weeks after they rejected me, they got into some serious hot water and got shut down. The universe has a sick sense of humor sometimes.