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Just Venting

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Just Venting

Post by JanLynn on Wed Mar 28, 2012 3:12 pm

Hello Everyone:

I am just posting this as a vent thread. Before I tell my story please understand that I know very well folks here are dealing with a lot worse. But... I honestly don't know where else to let these thoughts out.

I am 55 years old. My husband (of over 30 years) is 56.

Last fall, along with every other employee at his company, my husband got laid off. They were told that there work-place was being sold and that they'd get a chance to re-apply for their jobs. I'm sure all of you know this story well. So... I won't detail everything that has happened since last fall. But.. suffice it to say my husband (D) was replaced by someone with NO experience and at less than 1/2 of what they had been paying him.

D had managed a department in this company for years and had to help turn it over to the new person. Early in January he put in his last day. D has been working since he was 12-13 years old. Watching the affect unemployment has had on him is one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I have been self-employed for almost 20 years. Although I earn an honest and decent income from my business, it does not provide enough income to buy health insurance and pay all our regular bills. We had always received insurance through D's job. Now we are slated to pay over $1000/month for health insurance once the COBRA is up.

So... just today, my husband went to work for a former competitor. They hired him part-time. No benefits. He's in an entry level position. He's hoping he can get his foot in the door, and when they build a new facility at the end of this year, he's hoping he'll get full-time work - with health insurance.

He's being paid less than 1/3 of what he used to make.

As I said at the beginning of this post, I know very well there are folks reading this who are dealing with far worse.

But... I honestly need to know... how do you all deal with the anger? I am so angry at the way D is being treated. I am so angry that he is giving into the extortion by these corporations who "offer" you a "job" at 1/3 of the pay and no benefits.

I'd almost rather take the hit of his losing his job than see what they are putting him through.....

But... he has worked his whole life and not working eats at him. Where he started working today he'll be with other former co-workers (from his previous position). They are going through the same thing he is going through, and I suppose that helps in a way.

But... I'm still so angry, and he needs my support (not my anger). Which is why I am typing all this out and asking all of you how you deal with the anger?

In Peace JanLynn


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Re: Just Venting

Post by Guest on Wed Mar 28, 2012 3:32 pm

Hello, and welcome to the forum. This exact situation you describe has been happening where I live with the big retailer T. They have not been bought out by another big box store, but yet they are requesting that there employees reapply for their positions. And, of course; the long-time older employees are on the losing end to the younger more reasonable priced newbies. The anger issues from the folks I know is right off the scale, so some have banded together to enter into a class action lawsuit against the big box T. I don't know if they will be successful, but they say it is helping with the anger they have pent up. Most, not all, have also found lower paying positions, where the health insurance is way to costly for the wages, (the big W comes to mind). One did actually get a better position, but he had special issues that gave him more preference points, and I'm not saying that is a bad thing. Hang in there! This practice should be looked into by DOL as well.

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Re: Just Venting

Post by TR11005 on Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:47 pm

For one thing, don't vote Republican! Not to say the the Democrats are perfect.

I could wite a book on this. The worse thing you can do is get totally depressed. Depression is anger from inside. You need all your strength in doing what ever positive thing you can do. You did the right thing coming here. Many will help with support, despite as you say they have it worse. Helping others with advice makes you feel better.

You husband wages are now 1/6. He can still collect a partial Unemployment Check. This is up to your State and the extensions at this time. This horrible what they are doing to older workers. Stay strong, your not alone. At least he is working part time. There are people on this forum who have not worked for years, due to no fault of their own. This will not last forever. Treat each day as a new day.


Last edited by TR11005 on Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:07 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Just Venting

Post by JanLynn on Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:03 pm

For one thing, don't vote Republican! Not to say the the Democrats are perfect.

Smile I can count on one hand the number of times we've voted Republican. We live near Madison, WI. Needless to say Scott Walker and company have hurt our state more than anything else in the decades. My business took a direct hit from the Republican antics. Only this year have I started to recover.

When Walker and the Koch brothers go on national television and say they are pro-business, don't believe them. They are pro big money business. Every small business owner I know (and I know a lot of them because my clients are small business owners) took hits under Walker. WE don't consider him our "friend" at all.

I could wite a book on this. The worse thing you can do is get totally depressed. Depression is anger from inside. You need all your strength in doing what ever positive thing you can do. You did the right thing coming here. Many will help with support, despite as you say they have it worse. Helping others with advice makes you feel better.

I know - I have really been fighting the depression. I try and go for a walk every day. It helps. I try and eat well... not so easy. But the last thing I want to do right now is ruin my health. Since my income is not "steady", I can't afford (literally can not afford) to get sick. Being self-employed requires never taking a day off. I just get up every day and do everything I can to increase my own income.

And I am trying very hard to stay positive, but it is difficult. For me the biggest thing is turning this anger around. So much of my anger about what D (my husband) is going through is also mixed up with what is happening in my state. It is hard for me to let it be and use it for building something good in my life.

You husband wages were cut by 1/6. He can still collect a partial Unemployment Check. This is up to your State and the extensions at this time. This horrible what they are doing to older workers. Stay strong, your not alone. At least he is working part time. There are people on this forum who have not worked for years, due to no fault of their own. This will not last forever. Treat each day as a new day.

Yeah... he is working with former co-workers at his new job and they are all helping each other figure out the ropes of unemployment, etc... I am thankful for that. I am thankful that he's working with people he knows and trusts. Yesterday (when he went in for orientation) a former boss of his (who also took deep pay cuts in his new "job") came up and gave D a great big old bear hug. D needed that hug, actually I needed it too. It helps to know there are people who care.

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I find myself biting my tongue so much. I don't want to say anything angry or discouraging to my husband. So... just typing my thoughts out to someone who won't get hurt helps. (I am crying right now - and it helps).

JanLynn

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Re: Just Venting

Post by TR11005 on Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:16 pm

I am from Ohio. We all support the Wisconsin"s working people.

Your husband and coworkers need all the support they can get right now. Make sure they follow up with that partial Unemployment Insurance.

My wife has gotten angry with me many times. A strong family understands this. Never get angry at the sametime. One of you must be keeping a clear calm head at least.

There are others that will answer you too.


Last edited by TR11005 on Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Just Venting

Post by ranbrow123 on Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:05 pm

I might be in the minority with this opinion, but I wouldn't worry too much about the insurance. Insurance will actually cost you more long-term than the cost of just paying your bills outright -- insurance companies are there for a profit, after all -- so if you can, instead of paying $1000 for insurance, save $800 of it and earn interest on it. I've been self-employed for years and have never had insurance, I just save the money I would have spent and pay the bills myself. My local private hospital actually gives a huge discount for people without insurance.

Admittedly I've never had any sort of 6-figure bills, and I'm sure they probably wouldn't discount it if I needed a $200,000 surgery. However, the reality is if I was paying for insurance, my insurance company would look for any excuse they possibly could to avoid paying for the surgery. I'd likely be stuck with the bill anyway, but out thousands of dollars I paid to the insurance companies instead of being able to put that toward the bill straight away.

As for others going through worse, your humility is noble and appreciated, but I don't think anyone sees it as a competition. I think it's safe to say all of our situations are collectively worse than they were previously for whatever reasons (either no jobs, or inflation, or rising gas prices, or businesses affected by the lack of demand from the high unemployment, etc.), and in my opinion that simply shouldn't be so in the so-called land of prosperity.

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Re: Just Venting

Post by TR11005 on Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:50 pm

Being without health insurance is very dangerous, especially at an older age being in your 50's. Even if you have to use your home equity to do it.

It is very hard to get some surgeries without insurance. A total knee replacement is $50,000. I have had both of my done. One hard fall is all it takes. If you don't have insurance, they may give you free pain pills. Operations like this are not life threatening. Even with the pre-existing laws that were changed, they most likely make you wait.

Without insurance puts your house and what money you have at a higher risk. I would hope the new company will make your husband full time. Ask to make sure that they do. Some companies will let you have insurance ar 32 hours a week.

My wife works full time retail, so I get medical insurance througfh her employer, since 2007. I am only able to get contract assignments that don't last long. Fortunately last year I was able to get early Social Security. I am an original 99er. Last year my wife needed a total knee replacement. That would have put a greater risk not having insurance. Your husband and you could go to work as a cripple, but then can't collect Disability Social Security.

I didn't want to add any more worry. As you said stay healthy. Without it your no good to yourself or husband.

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Re: Just Venting

Post by JanLynn on Thu Mar 29, 2012 7:09 pm

I am from Ohio. We all support the Wisconsin"s working people.
Thank you. That means much to me, coming out of OH. You folks have your share of the extremists as well.

My wife has gotten angry with me many times. A strong family understands this. Never get angry at the sametime. One of you must be keeping a clear calm head at least.
D and I aren't that far into it. For the most part we've managed to keep our cool. I've gotten on him about house-work. Since this all hit, I feel driven to increase my income. And these days I'm pretty much working from dawn until bed-time. My office is in the home. I used to be able to stay ontop of the house-work. But, I can't right now. Right now I have to increase my income by learning new programming languages - so I can get more clients. So... I just can't do the house-work the way I used to.

D. thinks he's doing the house-work - but he'll let things sit 2-3 days and then tackle them. It drives me nuts to have dirty dishes in the sink or laundry sitting around. I know it's just his style to wait for enough laundry and dishes to pile up so that they make a full "load". But... it's that kind of stuff I have to really let go of. If I'm doing the work, then it's important to let him do it his way.

Then I get really angry about the bigger things, the things I have absolutely no control over. And neither does D. And that is the anger that really bothers me. It's unproductive. It doesn't help to be angry at people I've never met, who are greedy and selfish and put profit over people. But... I still feel the anger. Actually I was feeling it long before D got laid off, the greed and money hunger by the top 1% and our politicians has been bothering me for a very long time. As well as the religious extremism. America better than this.....

The best I can do is to focus on stabilizing our own situation and work at the things I can control. But it is not easy.
There are others that will answer you too.

Thank you to everyone who has responded in this thread. It simply helps to know there are more people like myself out there.

JanLynn

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Re: Just Venting

Post by ranbrow123 on Thu Mar 29, 2012 7:44 pm

I used to have anger management issues, and really the way I've gotten over them is to discipline myself into listening to that rational side of myself when my emotional side most wants it to shut up and let it fly into a rage.

You know it's unproductive to be angry, you said it yourself. So next time you get frustrated, take a couple of deep breaths, and remind yourself that -- while it is perfectly human and understandable that you feel the way you do -- it's not helping you to better your situation, instead serving as a distraction from things you need to do.

At first, you won't get past the deep breaths before you flip out, anyway. With time and practice, though, you will be able to run this in your head in 3 seconds flat and calm yourself on command. Kind of like a little script you run in your head to cool your anger.

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Re: Just Venting

Post by TR11005 on Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:06 pm

With the way the Republicans have acted since January, 2011 has made many very angry. Especially in Wisconsin, then Ohio and now others.

You would not be normal if your were not very mad and angry.

Many of us here are 99ers and now the 99%!

The anger has been over 30 years in the making. It took a great recession to realize how many of us have been royally SCREWED!!!

The problem is that it will takes years to correct this situation. Most can't wait any longer. We are over stressed. We can't take it any longer!

Go to this website and you will see, but please stay calm: http://occupywallst.org/

I have not attened any protest yet. I do a lot of heavy praying and talking to others. No way am I supporting violence. Most of these 99% are common people like you and I. They are not violent. I think this spring on May 1st that things will explode.

Your first concern should be family and situation. You don't want to make things worse then they are. The question is how much will it take? We all want the Banksters to go to prison over this economy. There has been so much mistrust that happen and that is why were so angry!

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Marian on Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:52 pm

I've been really depressed today also.

I had an interview scheduled for this afternoon and was very excited about it. In my mind it was the position that I thought was worth waiting for--close to home, great hours, good pay and benefits. The job came available on Tuesday. I called, got the interview and bright and early this morning the school called to tell me that she gave the job to someone who she interviewed yesterday! It went that quickly... I was crushed!

I feel like I can't get a break! Sad

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Re: Just Venting

Post by TR11005 on Fri Mar 30, 2012 10:13 am

Marian,

Whatever happen to the stack of 1,000 resumes and waiting for weeks after they interview many? Could have at least interview you.

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Guest on Fri Mar 30, 2012 10:40 am

Marian wrote:I've been really depressed today also.

I had an interview scheduled for this afternoon and was very excited about it. In my mind it was the position that I thought was worth waiting for--close to home, great hours, good pay and benefits. The job came available on Tuesday. I called, got the interview and bright and early this morning the school called to tell me that she gave the job to someone who she interviewed yesterday! It went that quickly... I was crushed!

I feel like I can't get a break! Sad

Although strange practice, I've seen this happening more often than not. Sorry to hear this happened to you.

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Marian on Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:38 pm

Unfortunately, for me someone must have given two weeks notice and the school owner was in a hurry to fill the position before her vacation starts next week so she filled it in three days without interviewing many people... Could be there was a reason why the teacher left in the middle of the school year at that rate... I was very upset it though--had to work on not becoming really depressed.

Thanks Jeff!

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Jobless_in_Ma on Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:45 pm

Welcome to the forum and feel free to share your frustrations. This forum was made for such.

_________________
Thanks to all members for participating in the discussions.

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Guest on Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:26 pm

X wrote:
Marian wrote:I've been really depressed today also.

I had an interview scheduled for this afternoon and was very excited about it. In my mind it was the position that I thought was worth waiting for--close to home, great hours, good pay and benefits. The job came available on Tuesday. I called, got the interview and bright and early this morning the school called to tell me that she gave the job to someone who she interviewed yesterday! It went that quickly... I was crushed!

I feel like I can't get a break! Sad

Although strange practice, I've seen this happening more often than not. Sorry to hear this happened to you.
Oh marion, im so sorry to hear that! They dont know what they missing.
sorry

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Marian on Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:56 pm

Sick & Tired wrote:
X wrote:
Marian wrote:I've been really depressed today also.

I had an interview scheduled for this afternoon and was very excited about it. In my mind it was the position that I thought was worth waiting for--close to home, great hours, good pay and benefits. The job came available on Tuesday. I called, got the interview and bright and early this morning the school called to tell me that she gave the job to someone who she interviewed yesterday! It went that quickly... I was crushed!

I feel like I can't get a break! Sad

Although strange practice, I've seen this happening more often than not. Sorry to hear this happened to you.
Oh marion, im so sorry to hear that! They dont know what they missing.
sorry

Thank you SO much! It was a hard blow not to even get a chance to interview because someone beat me to it... Sad

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Guest on Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:03 pm

all this talk in the news about jobs coming back is BS. Americans always seem to believe the wrong thing. It is still really bad out there.

You will find your dream job Marian...I just know it! I know its hard to live day to day though. It gets to a point where you start to think that you will never work again. My husband was at that point until he got the call to work. It happened when we least expected it. That always seems to be the way! I have been employed since last summer (low wage, overworked, started with 8 hours a week now 40) I just now got a call about a position I applied for before I started working where I am now. I have heard that happen to a few people. Dont give up hope, you will find employment again!

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Marian on Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:09 pm

Thank you!

In the beginning I was careful because I didn't want to accept any ole job--I wanted at least what I had been making, but now... *sigh*

It's tough out there for sure and employers have their picks. A couple of weeks ago I went on an interview for a position that didn't even pay all that great, but it was a group interview with thirty people... Yikes! It's hard to know how to stand out--what are they looking for? Some like the school owner that cancelled my interview are in a hurry to hire while others are picky...

I've wanted a part time position that was mainly morning hours, that paid enough for me to pay my bills and had benefits. That doesn't seem like it should be hard to find, but presently it sure is! affraid

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Guest on Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:43 pm

You are not alone, I think that is a normal step during the beginning phases of unemployment. During normal times it made sense, who would of ever thought that they would still be unemployed for 2 or 3 or more years? not many people! No one knew how bad it was going to be. My husband thought he would of been back to work 6 months after he was laid off. boy were we in for a big surprise!

Employers make it so difficult now a days and they get away with murder.

Im praying for you, Marion

Praying

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Marian on Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:45 pm

Thank you so much! I love you

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Re: Just Venting

Post by ibotter on Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:11 pm

I hope venting will help. Just returned to this site after an almost two year stint of homelessness. This was and I would think still is a great place for support

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Guest on Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:16 pm

Welcome back, ibotter. Sorry to hear of your bout with homelessness. We are still here, ready listen! I hope things get better for everyone soon, its horrible!


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Re: Just Venting

Post by ibotter on Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:30 pm

Thank you for the welcome back, S & T. Will try to monitor in case I can offer some helpful suggestions about survival on the streets and such.

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Re: Just Venting

Post by Guest on Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:51 pm

Yes, welcome back ibotter! I'm so sorry about your last few years. It does make one wiser though. I just hope you're now in more comfortable surroundings.

Very glad you're back... Jeff

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Re: Just Venting

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