Where did I go wrong?

by broken72 Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:31 pm

Six years ago, I got a great paying job, working with really awesome people, and this time, unlike my previous jobs, I actually had a great health plan. Three years ago, I finally moved out of my mother's place and lived on my own. Life was actually getting better.

One year ago, my mother ended up in the hospital, then she was moved to a nursing home for recovery. I was balancing my time between my job, my home and my mother's home, taking care of things. When my mother finally got out and came home, I took a week off from work so I could look after her. I even packed a small bag and stayed at my mothers.

The day after my mother came home, I get a phone call from my department head. She told me that things were so abysmal, that there wasn't enough money to keep our part of the department going, so I and another co worker are being laid off.

I tried applying for another job, but things didn't go well at all. One employer had no interest in hiring me, another just threw my resume in the garbage, and another gave me these ridiculous tasks to do as a test. (They had no intention of hiring me at all either.)

Thankfully, because of some red tape, I have been able to hold onto my current job six months longer than expected. However, I will still lose my job eventually. Just not sure when.

Even if I get unemployment, I don't know what I'm going to do? I will lose my health insurance, and I cannot afford my meds without it. There are absolutely no openings for anything in my field, and the only jobs available are minimum wage jobs with no benefits, and a boss who is a moron.

I know I may have to work a crappy job, but I really don't want to have to lie on my application about NOT being a college graduate, just so I won't seem overqualified. (I did that before when I was forced to get a job at wal-mart after graduating college.)

To make matters worse, everyone thinks I'm stupid, uneducated, lazy, and pathetic. It doesn't help any that I'm almost 40, which is considered too old. In other words, everyone thinks I'm poison.

I thought about moving to another city, but the problem is I cannot leave my mother. Especially with what's going on with her health.

I thought about being an independent contractor, but I don't have the necessary equipment to do the job. And I cannot get a loan because I already had to declare bankruptcy seven years ago. (before I was blessed with this awesome job.)

I have even been told that it's my fault I'm in the situation that I'm in, and I am worthless.

It has even gotten to the point that I don't want to apply for unemployment, because even if I get it, society will still see me as a parasite leeching off the taxpayers.

It's really hopeless for me. pale

by DD Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:26 pm

First, I must tell you, you did nothing wrong! You, like the rest of us, are doing the best we can with what this shitty economy and policies have dealt us.
You are not stupid, lazy or pathetic and anyone who tells you that is a moron themselves.
You are doing the right thing by staying near your mother....don't be afraid to file for UC, especially because you need meds.
I can tell that you are not someone who doesn't want to work, believe me, you are among friends here, so anytime you need to vent, vent away!
The people here have been very encouraging to me, so I encourage you to reach out, especially if you need specific answers to your questions....everyone here has talent and knowledge:)
I wish you luck with everything and will offer up a prayer for you & mom...please keep us posted...we are here for you:)
DD

by broken72 Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:37 pm

Thank you.

It's kind of weird, but I know things will eventually get better, but at the moment, everything is uncertain.

As for the morons who put me down, sometimes I wish they were worst of than I am, just so they can get a dose of reality.

Have you ever seen the movie "Trading Places?" Dan Akroyd(sp?) was this pretentious douche bag snob, who got a dose of reality when his bosses framed him for stealing, fired him, froze all his accounts, and got him kicked out of his country club for drug dealing. (Not to mention fixing it so his fiancee, who is an even bigger snob than he is, would dump him.) He went broke and had to endure what the a lot of people go through on a daily basis. (Of course, he never bothered to get a job during this time.)

Anyway, maybe if these rich people, or even well to do people with the "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" (Let them eat cake.) mentality were to experience what real people go through, maybe they'd at lest learn to be empathetic. Smile

by DD Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:04 pm

No problem...I totally understand where you are coming from and my life as well, has been one big question mark.
I am competing with a senior citizen for my job and have been for three years, so I have been looking for the last year or so, just to give me some peace. I only work three days a week and was working an additional retail job for awhile, but then there were some scheduling issues.
I volunteer on my off days as well, so that takes my mind off of things and makes me realize I am still very fortunate.
Most of all, make sure you continue to take care of your health so that you can continue to be there for your mom, which I'm sure you are:). If things really get you down, consider volunteering.
I will have to make sure I watch Trading Places in it's entirety...thanks for the tip.
The "snobs" of the world would be very lacking in strength to deal with what we "real" people have been dealing with for well over four years now....we will come out winners!
Have a great day:)
DD