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Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

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Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by 08pacollegegrad on Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:43 pm

(Feel free to move this if it's in the wrong forum.)

Now, I am by no means suggesting that we are all unemployed because WE are the problem. This is a personal matter I am struggling with, and some days, I am able to tell myself that there is way too much competition in the market and I am being overlooked where I could otherwise get interviews. I also feel that employers are too picky and justify it that way.

But then other days, I find myself thinking that it must be my fault that I haven't been able to find a full-time job for almost two years. I feel like employers are turned off because I'm not thin enough or perfect looking. I have also considered deleting my social media pages because even though they are private and my Facebook, for example, only identifies me by a shortened version of my first name and my middle name...I still fear employers are somehow finding out what I say on there (I tend to be a bit outspoken and vent just a little too much; let's just put it that way). I was considering paying for online reputation management, but let's face it...deleting is just cheaper and easier.

I have tried many different methods of looking for jobs. I do the standard reply to postings and send resumes out. All of my family and friends know I am looking, but no one will tell me about places that are hiring or recommend me for anything. I have cold e-mailed/called companies. One company I e-mailed just directed me to their online application. I have gone to job fairs where all I was offered was internships, as the people I met with were still saying I didn't have the experience for a full time job in this field (professional sports).

Since nothing is working, I am beginning to think I am the problem. I've had lots of interviews and no offers. I just got a rejection letter today from a company where I thought my interview went really well and I mentioned to the interviewer that I wanted the job. Thought they'd be impressed. Guess I was wrong.

I know most of us are used to getting rejection letters that say nothing more than "we found a better candidate" (or a million variations of it). But some days I do believe I am the problem, and it only gets worse if I fight with my mom on a bad day and she gets on one of her speeches where she says "I see so many less intelligent people that can find work; why can't you?"

Is there any way to know if you are the problem? I once had FOUR interviews for a low wage job at a restaurant and then ended up not even getting it even though they had me sign a form for a background check. I'm thinking this might be hard to figure out since rejection letters are so vague (my one friend told me that no one will tell you if there is something bad about you online, even if it disqualifies you from a job).

Has anyone else here ever thought they were the problem? What can you tell yourself to agree or disagree with that? I'm really at my wit's end...

08pacollegegrad
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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by Guest on Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:55 pm

08pa, glad to see you here. You are not the problem. If you let yourself believe that, it will happen. There are so many of us looking for the elusive 1 job for 5 people that it does get to all of us. There is not job creation happening right now, and the waitress, dollar store, McD's positions get bombarded. Try hard not to take it personally. I know it's hard, but look to yourself. You have relationships with your family and friends, if you were so difficult, those relationships wouldn't be there. I do agree though, on social networking sites it's advisable to not be overly verbal and antagonistic, I know of some employers in PA/NJ that do have people check those sites to see if potential employees are posting and what types of posts they make. I don't really think all do, but it couldn't hurt to keep that as "clean" as possible. You just never know.

If it makes you feel any better, I have friends and family that are looking out for me, their places are not hiring. Just keep working at it and stay as positive as you can. When it gets to you, walk away, take a walk, keep a journal, exercise, talk to friends, or log on here and help us continue to advocate. Stay well and please stay in touch.

Guest
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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by Guest on Tue Jun 14, 2011 1:12 am

08, that was very touching. Don't beat yourself up. I'm guessing since your a 08 collage grad your a young person. Take it easy, this is so much bigger than you, none of it has anything to do with you not being thin enough or good looking enough. You, are just a unfortunate American that graduated into a miserable economy, the worst most of us, except our parents (who were actually fairly young kids) have ever seen. Stay strong, something will come your way, it is not all lost.

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by New_Wave_Princess on Tue Jun 14, 2011 3:27 am

It's not you, it's the economy. It stinks. I have locked my Facebook and MySpace because of this, but have heard of employers asking to have access. I will not give them access ever.

You mention employers say you don't have enough skills. While you may not, it's possible you do and they want free work.

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by nfpexec on Tue Jun 14, 2011 3:54 am

No you are not the problem, this screwed up system is. I just saw a posting for a position that i interviewed for TWO years ago. Are you telling me that in this period of high unemployment, even if they didn't pick me, and I can't imagine why since the job was mainly administrative, that there is NO ONE even in the city of New York qualified in all this time? It's not the chief of surgery of Mt. Sinai, it's a liasion to parents at a charter school. Gimme a break!

But I know how you start to see yourself as the problem, I have many many days when I feel that way too.

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by Kulkulkan on Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:43 am

I do wonder sometimes about my social sites. I don't use Facebook anymore since I went to Twitter, but I am a practicing Thelemite http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thelema in a rather conservative town. I really hate to hide myself though, as I am a stubborn cuss, and hope to prove anyone turns me down for my beliefs as they will get sued so fats their heads would swim!

Back to your original point, though, grad, my longest period of unemployment before this slice of hell was three months! Even moving cold to a new area after being terminated from a old job (don't ask, my fault) didn't stop me. Now, though it is almost a year since my loss, and if anything I've mellowed with time. I have to remind myself that this is not my fault, and if I give in I just let the fools win.

I am only depressed merely 1/2 the time with this line of thinking, instead of full time. The fact this board wxixts att all shows you are far from the only one out here! Peace

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by Judi58 on Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:54 am

I have thought the same and have been careful about where I use my real name and info.. I am worried about some of the petitions that are put up... If a employer google my name I dont want to be seen as a trouble maker..
They have you coming and going...
If you speak out for your rights... Then your name is on the internet and if you keep you mouth (or fingers) shut you are a no one....

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by 08pacollegegrad on Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:57 am

New_Wave_Princess wrote:It's not you, it's the economy. It stinks. I have locked my Facebook and MySpace because of this, but have heard of employers asking to have access. I will not give them access ever.

You mention employers say you don't have enough skills. While you may not, it's possible you do and they want free work.

Yeah, like I said...my Facebook and Twitter are both private. I have seen some job postings that request links to your social media sites, and I just will not apply for those jobs. I think at some point...there has to be a separation between personal life and work, and it's not fair to judge people on outside activities.

Maybe I am lacking in some areas, which I can accept. Everyone has weaknesses, and employers who are going to hold out for Mr. or Miss Perfect are going to be waiting a really long time. However, if employers don't think I can do the job....why interview me in the first place?

This whole mess just makes no sense. Everytime I think about the fact that all my family and friends are working (with the exception of one friend who has chosen not to work because she has no time with grad school), it just feels worse. I just want to get a decent job and get out of my parents' house. But I can't do that with total silence from employers and constant rejection letters.

08pacollegegrad
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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by MoInSTL on Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:40 am

08pacollegegrad wrote:
I have also considered deleting my social media pages because even though they are private and my Facebook, for example, only identifies me by a shortened version of my first name and my middle name...I still fear employers are somehow finding out what I say on there

Have you Googled yourself? My youngest sister uses a fake last name on Facebook, but I was able to find her. Try a couple of Yahoo & Bing online searches too. That may put your mind at ease.

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by americatheneedy on Tue Jun 14, 2011 12:54 pm

I used to think the same thing until I got on here and read about what everyone was going through. I think interviewing makes people feel arrogant and superior.

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by New_Wave_Princess on Tue Jun 14, 2011 2:46 pm

I always Google myself and recommend it. I found a post from years ago on an impeach Bush site and another from Planned Parenthood. Luckily both are no longer available on the sites because that might hurt me, being that many employers are far right.

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by 08pacollegegrad on Tue Jun 14, 2011 3:30 pm

More bad news today:

I just got home from running some errands and there was a door tag on the door. Turns out the gas company shut off our heat because my mom, who may I add works full time, didn't pay our bill this month so they turned it off for being past due. We were wondering why our pilot light was off this morning and why the water in the shower was freezing cold...now we know why. I don't think it ever occurred to my mom that our heat was turned off.

Now I am furious at her for not paying the bill. She said she didn't have the money and was also upset because of rate increases and the gas company never being happy with not getting whatever payment she has. But she's the one who works full time in the house, and my stepdad also has a full time job. I am just infuriated because on top of the rest of the stress, we now don't have heat in the house and god knows how long it will be before my mom can get the money.

I started crying and my brother didn't understand why. He's 19 and old enough to understand what's going on in the world (he has had a hard time getting a summer job, but at least he's still in college...that said, he's never worked in his life) but he just shrugged me off and was like "Well it's not a big deal; why are you upset do you need the heat?" Excuse me...I live in this house so it affects me too even though I'm not paying the bill.

My birthday's this week and right now, I could honestly care less. I don't even want a celebration at this point.

08pacollegegrad
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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by LeannaAndPerry on Tue Jun 14, 2011 6:05 pm

You know what, I read this and then went and washed my dishes. I was stewing before I decided to respond. I rarely respond here because this Unemployment thing has me so messed up. But it's posts like this that makes me want to become temporarily an ugly mouthed person.

What gives you the right to be mad at anyone for there not being any gas in the home? You are NOT the one paying the bill or even contributing to paying the bill. It makes NO difference if she had it shut off because of her feelings towards the hike in prices or because she just couldn't meet the payment this month. That is NOT for you to decide. What is for you to decide is "how to contribute". If you want to help her rather than belittle her, then get out there and pick up some damn cans. It pays. But instead you come home empty handed and complain and you have absolutely NO RIGHT. Don't you think she has it tough enough having her grown children living at home without any contribution what-so-ever.? You should think about the situation. Before you complain.

I live in a rural area where gas isn't even BILLED. You must pay for it in advance to the tune of 4.00+ per gallon and it's a 100 gallon minimum to have it delivered. Try footing that bill through the winter. Nobody gets it for free. Nobody is billed here. Kids just do not understand what it takes to live in this economy now days. Including YOURSELF.

While your on here complaining that you cannot find a job, you have NO hot water, you graduated college and yet are pushed behind, you you you..... think for one sec about your mom, parents who are housing you. How do you think they feel? Or do you even give consideration where it's due. Shame on you.

Now go hug your mom and apologize. And stop fighting with her.
If you were my adult child, your cold showers and jobless life would be the least of your problems right now. How about homeless, cold showers in the park, with no food, and sure enough NO where to cook it if you found food. I can't stand the younger generation who think their parents OWE THEM SOMETHING.

Sorry for my RANT. This made me mad!

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by Guest on Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:00 pm

Wow! Mad at your mom for not being able to afford the gas bill when you live under her roof. If it is so tough there, maybe you should try a homeless shelter and see what despair really is.

Guest
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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by mj33 on Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:31 pm

yes , while this may seem very desperate and unfair and not right, best be assured you still have your entire life ahead of you, still are relatively young, and assuming healthy, and have your brother and mother for family support system, and have roof over your head for time being, and at least isn't quite extreme hot temps at this exact time nor in dead middle of winter (gas prices). Take deep breath and keep chugging along my friend, and you know there's people out there about to face eviction, permanent foreclosures, shelter living, and receiving no income at all to pay basic monthly bills. As hard as this might be, as not trying to make any excuses, it could be much worse, heck , I know I could be a displaced person with no water, shower, or clean clothes in middle east somewhere. Then again, I wouldn't recommend anyone in my shoes , living in heat while using very little air conditioner etc...

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by jchapman on Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:39 pm

08, I assume that's the year you graduated? I might not be the 1st to tell you this, but it ain't your fault, nor are you the problem, & don't let anybody b***s*** you into thinking you are. If you were, then multiply that by 14 million, because that's about how many others there are like you. We were told that the recession that started in Dec'07 ended in June'09. That has now been 2 years. You probably weren't born yet, but until this last or possibly current recession, the recession that started in July'81 & ended Nov'82 was the worst postWWII recession in terms of jobs lost at about 2.5 milloin. But, in 1983 & '84, the 2-year period following it, over 7 million jobs materialized. By comparison, now anybody that's put in the effort you claim should have found some kind of work. If you haven't, you definitely have some company. Now, either they were lying about the end of the recession, or the American labor force is being defrauded by somebody. If so, they're the ones that are the problem.


Last edited by jchapman on Wed Jun 15, 2011 5:41 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : typo)

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by 08pacollegegrad on Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:06 pm

Yes, 2008 is the year I graduated.

I have some better news, though. My mom said that she did pay the gas bill; it's just that the check crossed in the mail and the company did not get it in time to avoid shutting the gas off. So the company will be out tomorrow to turn the gas back on. I feel bad for getting mad, but I was really frazzled at the time...and I'm glad everything will be OK.

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Re: Is there any way to know if you're the problem?

Post by TR11005 on Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:00 pm

You have every right to be mad. 08pacollegegrad! It is better to vent, keeping it inside leads to further depression for yourself.

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