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How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

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How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by groppoe on Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:19 pm

I have a friend who has been unemployed for over 2 years now. He refuses to realize he can't get that great job and has to settle for a low paying menial job until he can build his resume and move back up. Every job I suggest he has an excuse not to take. Other than prayer, how can I help him out of his denial?

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by Jobless_in_Ma on Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:30 pm

Its a tough question really. I mean does he have multiple degrees and not wanting to take a job at McDonald's? I guess we need more information.

I do know one thing though, as a nation it doesn't help the country if we have highly skilled individuals working in menial jobs.
Also the likelihood of getting hired for these types of jobs are slim to none.

I can attest Ive been told I'm over qualified for certain positions. They wont even consider you if they think you will just bail at 1st opportunity.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by Guest on Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:35 pm

How do you help him? He must be a 99er by now with no income. I would continue to support him emotionally and encourage him to find resources available to exhaustess, like SNAP, but if people are supporting him financially, he will remain in denial. Unfortunately, when people are in this stage of emotion, you have to let go and let them hit bottom. At that point, he will realize his only choice is a "menial job", as you put it.

Just an f.y.i., "menial jobs" are not readily available either. They don't exist for the long term unemployed. The employer's excuse is "you are overqualifed". Most of the time you never hear back. There is currently pending legislation to stop discrimination against the unemployed.

I wouldn't go too hard on the guy, unless he is not looking, because there really is nothing out there.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by Guest on Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:41 pm

I'll tell you this my friend - THERE AIN'T NO MENIAL JOBS OUT THERE. I'd take the first one offered if I could get one.

I take it this guy is some high faluting big wig who doesn't want to get his lilly white hands dirty. Guess its good there ain't nothing out there.

Just one question dude, what do you mean by menial labor.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by Guest on Wed Apr 06, 2011 9:52 pm

groppoe wrote:I have a friend who has been unemployed for over 2 years now. He refuses to realize he can't get that great job and has to settle for a low paying menial job until he can build his resume and move back up. Every job I suggest he has an excuse not to take. Other than prayer, how can I help him out of his denial?

Welcome to the site! You must care a lot about this person and I am glad you are trying to understand his situation.

I can tell you from experience that "menial jobs" are a thing of the past and there is much discrimination against the unemployed, especially the long term unemployed and older unemployed.

Are you employed? If you are, then what I would suggest is that you look over the topics in the forum and read up about the unemployment crisis. It is far worse than anyone in congress and the media is letting on. This way, you may be able to understand your friends situation a bit better. Its hard to know what we go through unless you are going through it yourself.

I will tell you the worst thing you can do is say "just get a job flippin burgers" or "You haven't found work YET" Losing a job for this long is equivalent to losing a loved one. It is important for family and friends to understand this and be emotionally supportive as much as you can.

Last I heard, there was only 3million jobs available for the more than 20 million unemployed in this country. We are in really rough shape.

If you have any more questions please don't hesitate to ask!

Good luck and I hope your friend finds work soon. flower

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by Guest on Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:22 pm

Your friend probably has looked into "menial jobs". Every job that is available you have to apply for online - even McDonald's. You can find those menial jobs at snagajob.com, but seriously, this guy will be lucky if he hears back from anyone. Sick and Tired is right. People don't realize how hard it is to even get a phone interview. Telling your friend to apply for menial jobs must really be a slap in the face to him. There are no jobs. It is time working people woke up and realized that. That is one reason I can't stand being around some of my friends anymore. I can't stand to hear them complain about their jobs. I just want to scream in their face that they are lucky to have a job. For the time being anyway.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by troycomic on Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:41 pm

Jobs are not menial, pay is. If there was a job that paid $100,000 a year to clean dirty dirty dirty toilets there would be a waiting list. If I could get $50,000 to do that I would. It's not the job it's the pay.

I am looking for landscaper jobs, but they are paying $8, $9 bucks an hour. My problem is this, what kind of guy is he that he won't at least go to $10 an hr. Any job that pays squat is probably a jerk.

However $8 bucks an hour is better than $0 an hour. But as I've said before I'd be better off selling gum at traffic lights or pan handle with a funny sign.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by Jobless_in_Ma on Wed Apr 06, 2011 11:27 pm

What would you use for a funny sign? Just curious? Wink

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by troycomic on Thu Apr 07, 2011 12:05 am

Jobless_in_Ma wrote:What would you use for a funny sign? Just curious? Wink

"Prayers for $1"

Build you Karma for $1

$1 for a joke

Help feed my dog

just a few

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by Guest on Thu Apr 07, 2011 12:24 am

If he comes from a technical career, then it is indeed tough to go a different direction... not because of the money but the lapse of time (or "shelf life") is almost saying goodbye to that always changing career experience.

But 2 years is indeed a time for a new beginning - anywhere.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by lendmeflight2 on Thu Apr 07, 2011 1:23 am

I applied Monday for a job at Border's books for a part time book seller, their website says they are hiring for one. I have 15 years retail experience and I told them on the application that I would be willing to work for $8 an hour. I haven't back from anyone yet. I realize it is early but they should be jumping at that. They will never get a better deal.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by 503Depressed on Thu Apr 07, 2011 3:32 am

lendmeflight2 wrote:I applied Monday for a job at Border's books for a part time book seller, their website says they are hiring for one. I have 15 years retail experience and I told them on the application that I would be willing to work for $8 an hour. I haven't back from anyone yet. I realize it is early but they should be jumping at that. They will never get a better deal.

Better take into consideration that Borders might not be around very long. They are one of the companies that is most likely to disappear soon. Along with Blockbuster. I also read a story about Borders most likely declaring Bankruptcy.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by lendmeflight2 on Thu Apr 07, 2011 4:18 am

They already have declared bankruptcy. I agree they may not be around long. However, due to the great state of North Carolina's dumbassery when comes to cutting out our EB in 10 days, I won't be either if someone doesn't hire me.

In all seriousness though, I honestly appreciate your thought.

It sucks because I like borders the best out of all the big book chains.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by JoanB on Thu Apr 07, 2011 8:45 am

One of my neighbors asked me, "Couldn't you just like, be a bank teller for a while?

Where do you even start with these people?

I don't mean to be too hard on the original poster, but as with most insensitivity, if you don't get it, it's because you're really not trying, or more likely it's because you don't think it could happen to you.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by NY Lady on Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:39 am

lendmeflight2 wrote:I applied Monday for a job at Border's books for a part time book seller, their website says they are hiring for one. I have 15 years retail experience and I told them on the application that I would be willing to work for $8 an hour. I haven't back from anyone yet. I realize it is early but they should be jumping at that. They will never get a better deal.

No, they're going to wait for the unexperienced, $7.25/hr applicant...

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by NY Lady on Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:45 am

groppoe wrote:I have a friend who has been unemployed for over 2 years now. He refuses to realize he can't get that great job and has to settle for a low paying menial job until he can build his resume and move back up. Every job I suggest he has an excuse not to take. Other than prayer, how can I help him out of his denial?

Direct him to this website and show him that even if he did apply to one of those jobs...he probably couldn't get that. Unfortunately he might have to run out of money to find out how hard it really is to even get a "menial" job. If I had more savings, I know I wouldn't be working at a low paying job that I hate, but homelessness .... is a scary thought. It happens.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by troycomic on Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:54 am

groppoe wrote:I have a friend who has been unemployed for over 2 years now. He refuses to realize he can't get that great job and has to settle for a low paying menial job until he can build his resume and move back up. Every job I suggest he has an excuse not to take. Other than prayer, how can I help him out of his denial?

You can't. Just like and addict he has to be ready to work a small job. Necessity is the mother of all invention and in our case survival. Your friend will come to the realization either work, beg, or die.

I know because I am just starting to come into that reality. I have had many arguments with my friends about $8 an hr jobs. Their argument is $8 an hr is better that $0 an hr. While that may be true I would start my job hating my boss just because he couldn't bump me up to $10, I'm tired of getting used. All these people who have jobs think it is so easy to get a "small job".

These small jobs have high turn over rates and there is usually a reason why.


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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by JoanB on Thu Apr 07, 2011 11:09 am

OK, so I have a question since I haven't gotten to the point where I've been forced to try:

Suppose you're like me (I betcha lots of you are), 55, college-educated "professional" in a field that's normally very marketable, have years of experience, and you apply for one of these minimum wage jobs, and by some miracle, you get an interview. They ask you why they should hire you because you'll quit if you're offered a better job. What do you say? Really, what do you say? That you don't think that the economy is going to get any better? That you don't want a better job? What?

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by troycomic on Thu Apr 07, 2011 11:19 am

JoanB wrote:OK, so I have a question since I haven't gotten to the point where I've been forced to try:

Suppose you're like me (I betcha lots of you are), 55, college-educated "professional" in a field that's normally very marketable, have years of experience, and you apply for one of these minimum wage jobs, and by some miracle, you get an interview. They ask you why they should hire you because you'll quit if you're offered a better job. What do you say? Really, what do you say? That you don't think that the economy is going to get any better? That you don't want a better job? What?

I won't leave because; one, I won't be looking, I want a position of longevity. Two;I will enjoy growing your company and seeing the fruits of my labor come to fruition. I have a lot to bring to the table, why would I help you cook a great meal and leave before I can see the enjoyment. And mostly I am looking to stand by a company that will stand by me. In a time that everybody is out there alone I prefer to be part of a team.


Last edited by troycomic on Thu Apr 07, 2011 11:20 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : word missing)

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by delko on Thu Apr 07, 2011 11:30 am

Not to be too critical here on the original poster, but first of all even getting a menial job is close to impossible. I have applied to 100's of these in the past year since being laid off. Lowes, Home Depot, Staples, Rite Aid, Toys R Us,....you name it. More just as test fires to see if I get any interest whatsoever, so I know what I am facing when I am out of benefits at the end of this year. NOT ONE SINGLE RESPONSE!!! So your point about your friend I think is moot anyway. Getting a menial job, even if he/she was willing, really is not even likely.
As far as denial, I think its a coping mechanism. My best days of dealing with this cluster &*%$ of a situation I am in now for a whole year are when I am just resigned to it being 'it is what it is' and that there really is nothing I can do about it. Its out of my control. My worst days of coping are when I focus on the hardcore reality of the situation....that I am about to be 40 years old, and that after close to 20 years of career building, I am empty handed. Whats the point of lamenting that over and over again? As of right now, I cannot change that. Fortunately, I try to focus on that....call it denial, but to date, its how I survive. I still will have many dark days ahead of me, but hopefully they are out balanced by days of 'denial'. If thats what you care to call it.

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Re: How can I help an unemployed friend in denial

Post by NY Lady on Thu Apr 07, 2011 11:35 am

JoanB wrote:OK, so I have a question since I haven't gotten to the point where I've been forced to try:

Suppose you're like me (I betcha lots of you are), 55, college-educated "professional" in a field that's normally very marketable, have years of experience, and you apply for one of these minimum wage jobs, and by some miracle, you get an interview. They ask you why they should hire you because you'll quit if you're offered a better job. What do you say? Really, what do you say? That you don't think that the economy is going to get any better? That you don't want a better job? What?

I am 54, college-educated, just hired a few weeks ago at a low paying job...they didn't ask me why they should hire me, they asked why I wanted to work there. Believe me, I acted. Acted like my previous "cube" job was boring and I wanted, and liked, working, helping customers (which I don't). I had some retail experience but it was over 10 years ago. What I did best in that interview was ACT, like I wanted the job. It did help that the job was in an area that my one of my hobbies is. I could act like I wanted to do it. Now, if I was going to apply at McDonalds, I RAVE about the food, the excellent service, the cleaniness of the resataurant or something like that and how I wanted to be a part of their quality estabishment. TO serve the public with a smile or something...real bull....
Maybe if you previously were in computers - say something like you want to work with public instead of staring at a computer screen all day, you want a change...a new direction. Make them believe you want the job, and not for the money. At this "new" job, we didn't even discuss money until after I was hired, and I didn't bring it up. I was surprised to get $10 hour. I used the right words - customer oriented - music, to the retail business's ears.
I still look every day for a job in my field...I hate my new job, but they don't know that - I put on the smile and I am getting the hours.

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