Open letter to my mother

I have sent literally hundreds of resumes but I'm sure the rest of the people here have too. I've been unemployed 1 year this month. Never in my entire life, since I was 16 years old, have I been unemployed this long.
It's got to be me. I'm obviously doing something wrong. I've had 20-odd interviews over the course of a year. Had the second interviews, been runner up many a time. I'm listed with 6 temp agencies. I check a total of 14 different sites a day just to post another resume.
I'm depressed... to put it mildly.

I have to tell you what my 80yr old mother said to me when the unemployment workforce center sent me an email about me a job paying less than what I get on unemployment. "What do you care? A job's a job; take it kid!" I'm often left to wonder how my mother has survived in this world for 80 years. Then it dawns on me that my (late) father 'took care of' her for their entire 54 year marriage.
My father was a factory worker and lived by the saying, "Take care of the Company and the Company will take care of you." That was 1950's era thinking. A man took care of his family. He didn't need no stinkin' education, he could go straight to work and earn a fair wage and if he does a good job, well then, the Company takes notice and gives him a raise and/or promotion. --tain't like that today, Pop.
Back to mother: "Can't your husband 'take care of you'?"
You know, mom, as hard as I tried, I just couldn't land Donald Trump or Bill Gates or any other rich zillionaire. Don't you know, mother? Money always marries money. Why didn't you raise me rich? This is all *your* fault.
My twice widowed, elder sister is now being entirely supported by our mother. See, sis didn't believe in working outside the home either. She thought men 30yrs her senior would 'take care of her'. Turns out they weren't rich either. She blew through the life insurance money so mom has to 'take care of her' because she doesn't have a husband like me. Sis is now too old and too fat to land another husband to 'take care of her'.
We had to file for bankruptcy last year after I was unemployed 6 months. Before that, I had a credit sore in the 730's. I've independently bought 4 houses -while not married. Now, I am married and we struggle to keep the house. (and the 2 cars, and pay the utility bills, and insurance, and buy food.)
Mother gave dear 'ol sis $40,000 so she wouldn't have to file bankruptcy. That little act wiped out my mother's savings. Yet mom still pays sis's credit card bills, utilities including cable television and sends her "a little extra"; you know, "pocket money". I cringe everytime I talk to my mother.
But then again, sis doesn't have a husband like I do.
Have I even asked my mother for money, you may ask? Why, yes, yes I have! Three months into my job hunt, before we decided to file for bankruptcy, I asked mother if she was able to help me out. She told me she had a twenty dollar bill stuck in her bill fold she would send right out to me. She went on to tell me that it took all her money to save sis from bankruptcy and sis 'needs her right now' since she doesn't have a husband like I do.
My husband's mother is gone. His father is truly on a fixed income. My husband has one sibling, a brother who happens to be a bank president. He doesn't believe in lending money to family. Okay, I fully respect that. It's his money, he has every right to do with it as he pleases.
In the meantime, I'm left to my daily job search. All I can hear in my head is, "What do you care? A job's a job; take it kid!" over and over and over again.

I feel your pain Marrer. I'm on 2 yrs now and its tough getting folks to understand what were going through. Ive filed Bankrupcy, lost my place, lost a car, my pride, sense of self worth.

You have found the right place though to vent and look for support.

Welcome to UFF2

Welcome Marrer! I know what you mean about friends and family members not understanding. It is sad that most people don't understand. Yes, it may be a job, but by the time they take out taxes, maintain your vehicle, car insurance, gas money, etc, there is $-0- left to live on.

At least you have had 20 job interviews so you must be doing something right! I have been out of work 3 years and have not even had 10! You can't give up hope!

I hope you find the resources and support you are looking for here. We are all in this together and are here for you whenever you need a friend!

WOW...Brings back memories. I went to college, went right to work, got married. Then I had a baby. I chose to stay home to raise my child.
My mom would say...You should be a career girl.
My daughter is now pregnant and she said to me....Teach me how to be a mom.

You could be sending that letter to my mom.. I have not spoke to her since Thanksgiving and wont
I struggle but the burden off my shoulders is so worth it..
Even my son tells me I am happier will that is wrong in my life I am done with being torn down by my mother...

Welcome, marrer.

Its very hard to deal with family when it comes to this issue. Try to keep in mind that because your mom was taken care of during her whole marriage to your dad, that she has no clue what you could possibly be going through. Things are so different now and she has no idea how much things have changed. I know it is very frustrating. My husband has a sister that gets "taken care of" by his mom no questions asked. His sister has never worked a day in her life and is 37. she has everything handed to her. I wish you the best and hope you find employment soon.

Are you sure we don't have the same mother????
I had to distance myself from mine. It's just no good for me to be around her.
You're right - our father's took care of them. My mother has never worked a hard days work in her life. She has no idea how hard it is out in the cold, cruel world.

dmbishop wrote:WOW...Brings back memories. I went to college, went right to work, got married. Then I had a baby. I chose to stay home to raise my child.
My mom would say...You should be a career girl.
My daughter is now pregnant and she said to me....Teach me how to be a mom.

BTW..I miss my mom dearly and she was there when I didn't know how to change a diaper.

Welcome Marrer, there are a lot of good people here.

I have a more understanding family than you do but my dad still thinks like it's the 1950's. He says "just take that $8 and hour job, if you do well raises will come pretty quick". yeah, right. If I start working for $8 an hour now, if I am lucky, in two years I could be making $9 an hour. To top it all off I still haven't even been offered that $8 an hour job yet.